a lot of times conventional politeness grates on my nerves and i find myself wishing people would conserve their words more often. i know it is rude of me, but since i am visiting my family, i've noticed that every single morning they say did you sleep good? and how did you sleep? to eachother. every time, i feel a tinge of annoyance, but i try to let it go and just say yes, i slept good ('well'-- whatev). how about you? i just figure that if a person has something to say about how they slept-- he/she will let you know. if you ask, though, they feel compelled to answer you even if they don't really even know how they slept. i know, it's petty of me. i also get tired of having to say "bless you" every time everyone sneezes. i just think of it as unnecessary vocalization. i'm weird, though. and a grouch. i also used to hate it when i worked at the bank and tellers were like robots who said the same exact thing to each and every customer! it drove me batty. but what doesn't? i need to meditate.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
tick-tock oh the clock is painful, all sane and logical... i wanna tear it off the wall! i would swallow my pride i would choke on the rinds but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside. i would swallow my doubt turn it inside out find nothin' but faith in nothin' wanna put my tender heart in a blender watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion --eve6this weird hairpiece thing at the dollar store totally matches my hair. maybe i should buy it.
Posted by carrie at 7/30/2005 05:02:00 PM
" All the world's a stage and all its men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts". -- As You Like It
Posted by carrie at 7/30/2005 07:35:00 AM
Friday, July 29, 2005
Posted by carrie at 7/29/2005 05:20:00 PM
Thursday, July 28, 2005
we were going to go bowling but it was way too crowded. must be league night or something. i needs my personal space, yo. today, hardly anyone came to class. guess they wanted to get a head start on the weekend. i prefer class to weekends. it's the only place i can hear a worthwhile conversation. today we talked about Locke, Hobbes, Plato's Rebublic, Gandhi, M.L. King, and Malcolm X. also, negative rights and positive rights and is violence ever justified?
Posted by carrie at 7/28/2005 03:40:00 PM
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
it's amazing how much emperor penguins go through to make babies. truly amazing. have you ever heard anyone say that you can tell a movie is good when you forget that you're in a theatre? well, right when i was really starting to become immersed in the movie a woman with two children (who both had to be under the age of five) sat down directly behind us. one of the children kept kicking the back of scott's chair. after turning around and giving the appropriate glaring looks to the mother, he finally made a comment. the woman said that he could just ask the girl to stop and she would stop. do i have to point out the flaw in her line of reasoning? is it someone else's job to parent her child? if i noticed my son kicking the back of someone's seat, i would immediately tell him to stop. if he kept asking me questions, you would hear me shushing him. she did neither of these things. in addition, each time Morgan Freeman used a word the child didn't understand she would say, "what's that mean?" this happened enough to break my concentration with annoying regularity. March of the Penguins is not a children's movie. at least not until it comes out on dvd and the mother can rent it or buy it for her kids so they can watch it at home instead of ruining other peoples' viewing experience.
Posted by carrie at 7/27/2005 05:55:00 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
Posted by carrie at 7/25/2005 10:27:00 PM
we went to the zoo today, but it was closed. they are closed on mondays for upkeep. but they had a lovely garden with a gazebo and a wishing well and so i took a bunch of very lovely photos. you can see them by either scrolling down and looking at the thumbnails on my sidebar or by clicking on this beautiful goose. p.s. i just made enough spaghetti sauce to feed a family of twelve.
Posted by carrie at 7/25/2005 05:39:00 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
what is that supposed to mean, "it's just a blog" ? seems to me that when someone says that, they are trying to minimize the importance of a blog and say that people shouldn't take it so seriously. the problem with that line of reasoning is that you could say that about anything. it's just your life. it's just how you spend a great deal of your life, obviously. so are you saying that it's all a waste of time? that it's meaningless to you? then why not just give it up? that's like saying, "it's just a gun." a blog is like a gun. it's not what it is, it's how you use it. there's a person behind each and every blog (unless it's totally computer generated, i guess) and if people read your blog then it's more than just a blog. it is a medium of communication. it's just t.v. it's just radio. it's just a book. just a flag..... also, the whole idea of "if you don't like it don't read it, don't watch it, don't look at it." that's like saying, "Live in denial. Then you'll be happy! Just ignore everything you don't like." no.
Posted by carrie at 7/24/2005 09:46:00 AM
Posted by carrie at 7/24/2005 03:47:00 AM
Friday, July 22, 2005
i had no idea how impactful my blog could be. i did not realize that my opinions were so heavily influential. i usually just randomly post whatever comes to my mind that feels post-worthy in some way. i never expected very many people would be reading it; nor, did i expect that they would be so profoundly effected by what i had to say. i am amazed at how much projection is going on and at how much people will read into what i am saying. it seems like some folks spend a lot of time analyzing my every utterance as though there was truly some deep meaning behind each opinion i spew out-- to be honest i sometimes put very little thought into my posts. i am a little bit lazy and unambitious. i generally don't spend hours thinking about what i am going to write. i don't save drafts, contemplating my posts to make sure they are worded correctly so as to be unoffensive to anyone who might read them. many people have suggested to me that if i don't like what someone has to say on his/her blog that i ought to just move along on my merry way and forget all about it as though i'd never even read it at all. however, these same individuals don't take their own advice. honestly, i'm confused. also, a lot of people seem to want to advise me on what i should be writing, reading and even what i should be enjoying-- and they are quite aggressive about it. i really had no idea that any of this was going to transpire the way it did. i really did not think that i was attacking any particular individual. it was never my intention to misrepresent anyone or play myself off as a martyr of some sort. i think the idea that i could be a martyr over getting (in my honest opinion) unjustifiably suspended from a website is a gross exaggeration. i really do feel like a scapegoat.
Posted by carrie at 7/22/2005 08:34:00 PM
"How easily we are taken in by the judgments of other people and then form an opinion of ourselves based on this judgment. In order to be truly liberated you need to listen to the so-called good and bad things that they tell you, but to feel no emotion at the feedback any more than a computer does when data is fed into it. Because what they say about you reveals more about them than about you. . . . become more like the birds and flowers that are so totally unself-conscious, too busy with the task of living to care one little bit about what others think of them, about whether they are special to others or not. And at last, you will have become fearless and free." --The Way to Love, Anthony De Mello
Posted by carrie at 7/22/2005 07:48:00 AM
i have banned people from commenting on my blog who have demonstrated that they do not have my best interests in mind. although they somehow believe that they are trying to set me straight or help me think more clearly... all i can say to that is thanks, but no thanks. if you have something to say about me-- go say it on your own blog. i'm done listening. you have never read my blog or commented before, so why should i really care what your opinions of me are?
Posted by carrie at 7/22/2005 05:55:00 AM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
i just joined blog clicker and so far it seems to be a vast improvement on blog exchange. as in: the blogs are not all the same people i saw at blog explosion. the blogs seem to be of a generally higher quality. i'm glad, because i enjoy using blog traffic exchanges.
Posted by carrie at 7/21/2005 10:31:00 PM
buddhadharma(that's me): i think i'm going to boycott BOTB until BE makes it more fair toomuch: DinerDar cheats omfomfomfomgg!!! buddhadharma: evrybuddy cheets rachel: So Buddhadharma.. how exactly is it not fair. dinerdar: yes, i cheat by sacrificing a lamb before every battle. buddhadharma: it's clique-y and the strong pick on the weak butterflynjesus: how can you cheat? rachel: Don't be a sore loser bbdawg111: i cheat too by trying to exchange sex for credits. nobody seems to want sex from me though. this is why i can't win rachel: That is LIFE.. not cheating. Get over it. buddhadharma: ah, shaddup. i can not get over it if i don't want to buddhadharma: you get over my not getting over it rachel: Well you don't but I can suspend your account for starting trouble in the shoutbox. buddhadharma: who cares. i hate BE anyway. you're just friends with all the mommy bloggers. rachel: Well if that's the case I'll go ahead and have the account looked at. Have a great day dinerdar: i also cheat by putting a curse on you so that you are forced to vote for me. little something i learned from the harry potter books. Muahaha bbdawg111: once again, you can complain about BE on the SB about Botb, but PLEASE mind your P's and Q's. we don't want you to go MIA on us. right OCB? are you all down with OPP? buddhadharma: that rachel is lovely. so i guess a person can't think the battles are unfair, eh? occasionalbtch: id watch what ya say about Rachel buddha..just sayin' rachel: Thinking something is unfair and being a sore loser and saying that you 'hate BE' ON the BE shoutbox are two different things buddhadharma: i didn't even lose. so how am i a sore loser buddhadharma: i seriously don't care if you suspend me. go for it. oneladymedic: aw rachel, dont worry about it, she just hates mommy blogs and like to rant sometimes about the "unfairness" of it all GrandPoo: can't we all just get along? buddhadharma: it isn't fair. i know that for a fact. whoop-de-flippin do. all i said was that i am not going to battle anymore. butterflynjesus: there's worse things then mommy blogs..trust me.. lol buddhadharma: but it's okay to talk about sex and running around naked all the time. Kirkkitsch: But this is the 4th time you've said it. It's losing its' magic. buddhadharma: i have enough readers as it is. you can't suspend me cuz i quit. bye. dinerdar: *sings 'The Thrill is Gone'* rachel: this profile does not exist occasionalbtch: i just saw that rachel lolol bbdawg111: what profile does not exist? is this some type of secret agent thing? occasionalbtch: it sucks she lives where I grew up, the place is sad enough as it is lol rachel: I have no idea what you're talking about GreekGoddess: I'm a mommy and this is my plot :P oneladymedic: ooooohhh evil mommy plots... I'm takng over the world starting with be! bbdawg111: you mean just by saying 'i quit' means you're gone? do you know how many times i told my parents that 'i wish i was dead', but i didn't mean, like, to be DEAD dead, you know? dinerdar: so is suspension like, freeing up their surfing? rachel: no suspension DinerDar... deactivated. GrandPoo: but why ban someone for divergent views? Please don't ban me. GreekGoddess: it wasnt just different views.. whenever she was on here.. drama was with her as well.. rachel: and by the way I'm partial to chicks with Tech blogs and mommy blogs with attitudes not 'oh look how cute my baby is when it pukes' blogs i have removed items that were not relevant to my being deactivated. for the entire conversation go here.
Posted by carrie at 7/21/2005 12:48:00 PM
from 1995-2002 i worked in banking. when i first started, i thought it was fantastic. soon, however, i realized that a teller's job is actually a retail position. a sales position. i just wanted to count money. i loved to count money. i was good at it. i was good at performing the functions of a teller in every way, except for selling. in early 2002, i lost my father to alcoholism and my whole life completely changed. i could no longer tolerate selling my soul just to pay the bills. i would rather be homeless. i just could not do it, anymore. i couldn't put up with all the crap. what was the benefit? the only entity that benefited was corporate Amerikuh. i thought to myself, seven years of my life down the drain and what do i have to show for it? at least if i spent that length of time in college, i'd have something substantial to show for it. i could say, "look: see? this is what i did" but after seven years of banking-- it's like i may as well have done nothing at all. sure, i learned a few things about corporate life. i worked with some great people (and some not-so-great). but, in the end, it's a thankless job. so, now, i'm in school. i'll have my degree in December. i'll be an anthropologist. and the government paid me to do it. that tops all.
Posted by carrie at 7/21/2005 02:50:00 AM
And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.
Posted by carrie at 7/21/2005 02:46:00 AM
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
"The fact is, women are in chains, and their servitude is all the more debasing because they do not realize it." "The rank and file are not philosophers, they are not educated to think for themselves, but simply to accept, unquestioned, whatever comes." "Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences." "I can't say that the college-bred woman is the most contented woman. The broader her mind the more she understands the unequal conditions between men and women, the more she chafes under a government that tolerates it." "I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows."
Posted by carrie at 7/20/2005 08:00:00 PM
i got suspended from blog explosion because i said that it is clique-y and the battles are unfair. actually, i am glad, cuz i was really getting tired of blog explosion anyway. they can kiss my white patootey! you are not allowed to express your opinion about blog explosion unless it is positive. just like you can't talk crap about mommy blogs or they will delete your comments. really.... i'm sure i can find better use of my time, in any case.
Posted by carrie at 7/20/2005 05:44:00 PM
i have had a fascination with all things India for as long as i can remember. often i've imagined that i must have lived there in a past life or something. i find the images, smells and people to be so comforting. last night we went to Cuisine of India and had nan, biryani, kebab and lassi. yum yum yum. the lamb was kinda dry tho. i figure it was probably left over from the lunch buffet or something. i mean, i'd imagine it would be pretty hard to make lamb taste dry! there's so much fat in it! you know, the preview-post feature in blogger is full of shyte! my posts never look anything like the preview says they are going to look and i always have to redo them a million times before they will look the way i want them to look. how lame is that?
Posted by carrie at 7/20/2005 07:21:00 AM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Posted by carrie at 7/19/2005 03:55:00 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
Posted by carrie at 7/18/2005 09:30:00 AM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
"...they managed to love their children madly and show them the world, without making them the center of that world. She says she can only hope she does as well."whatever, you might say.... she's a celebrity... she has a nanny... she doesn't care about her kids... she goes off to make movies and leaves her baby with some stranger! whatever. i admire her. so, i decided to pick up How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and laughed and cried and my hormones were satisfied, i guess. i thought you should know.
Posted by carrie at 7/17/2005 01:34:00 PM
Posted by carrie at 7/17/2005 09:31:00 AM
Friday, July 15, 2005
I love how they show pictures of poopy diapers and baby food. I love all the glittery, flashy icons with angels and flowers and sunshine. I love to see pictures of kids I don't know and never will. I love it when grown women decorate their blogs with winnie the pooh. I don't know what I was thinking before, but I want to thank all you mommy bloggers for gently helping me to understand the value and importance of your blogs and how your blogs are completely neutral and benevolent. I love how on mommy blogs everyone only leaves compliments in the comments section. Mommy blogs have now become my favorite kind of blog to read! If you have a mommy blog, please send me the link because I can't wait to read all about YOUR children, too! I can't get enough of it! I read Parents Magazine all day and I hang out at Gymboree with other mommies who like to talk about Slim Fast and Wet Wipes. What could be more joyful than that? Really, I must have been possessed by the devil before to have ever said that mommy blogs were uninteresting in general! That is obviously not the case. These women are insightful, kind and generous contributors to Capitalism and Patriarchy. Without them, where would we be? Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. NOT>! and if you are mad at me, now: bring it on mama! I've never had so many visitors in my life. Mommy blogs are the BEST!
Posted by carrie at 7/15/2005 05:45:00 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2005
LOVE AND THE EGO "The mantra of the ego is, “Its all about me.” The footprint of the ego is “My way is the only way.” The ego, by nature, will adopt any belief as an identity. Then it is fearful when faced with other beliefs. It feels threatened. There is no love in the ego and the path to God is love - not a belief. The ego must always imagine that it is the center of the universe. Thus, “My way is the only way” comes into being and, by extension, everything with which the ego is associated. An ego-centered Christian says “Jesus is the only way” and an ego-centered Muslim says, “Islam is the only way.” The translation of both statements is, “My way or the highway.” The ego is the opposite of love. The ego is me... me... me... and love is you... you... you... The ego is motivated by, “What’s in it for me?” Love asks, “How may I serve you?” The ego is Satan in us. Love is God in us. The ego is the sense of separation from God and others. Love is a feeling of unity with God and others. The ego is “I” and “mine.” Love does not seek to possess but only to give. Where there is ego there can be no love and where there is selfless love, there can be no ego. Think of any negative emotion - jealousy, hatred, greed, anger - all of them are the fruit of the ego whose roots are “I” and “mine.” Therefore, love is the most potent destroyer of the ego. Jesus says loving our neighbor and loving God are the keys to salvation. Innocence is the fertile soil in which love takes root. That brings us to these questions: “Do I love God with all my heart and mind? Do I love my neighbor as my own self?” - as Jesus commanded? If the answer is no, then we are not going to heaven. If no, then we must begin the quest for this love to which Jesus directs us. . . Sadly, we don’t recognize love or the need for it because we ourselves have no love. We have long since forgotten what pure selfless love is or what it feels like. " excerpt from Jesus, Buddha & Krishna are one!
Posted by carrie at 7/14/2005 09:59:00 PM
Do not waste good things on people who will not appreciate them. This proverb is adapted from a saying of Jesus from the Gospels, “Cast not pearls before swine.” Jesus appears to be warning his disciples to preach only before receptive audiences.
Posted by carrie at 7/14/2005 05:25:00 AM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Here I am 21 years ago blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. Awwww. That was my best friend, Kristy. She ruled! She still rules, but I don't see her much anymore. I saw her a few years ago. Went to her house to drink beer. She had this biker chick thing goin' on. She likes to fix cars. She likes Elvis pictures and Tiki mugs. Here is another best friend I had when I was about 6. Her name is Jackie. She lived right next door to me and I loved her so much. When she moved away, I cried like the world was coming to an end. I went to her birthday party after she moved and that was the last time I saw her. At her birthday we listened to Michael Jackson and I thought he was a she. This was taken at 6th grade camp Woodlake Ranch. Later, I fell into the water with all my clothes on when I tried to get out of the boat. That was embarrassing. North or South East or West at Woodlake Ranch We do our best. Night and day work or play we're proud of our camp. Hooray. Rah rah, siss boom bah. eenie meenie eenie weenie oon cha cha yabba dabba doooo Mee hee hee ha ha. Tally ho! Dynomite and away we go!!!!!!
Posted by carrie at 7/13/2005 08:36:00 AM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
i love my Philosophy of Race class! it is full of dorks like me who want to waste three hours a day taking a philosophy class in the summer! and that rules. so, here is a silly little video of people talking in my class. just so you can get a glimpse of what it's like. it is a horrible video, but i had to do it surreptitiously because you know, i was in class. anyhow. i'm new at this. it'll take me some time to make more interesting films.
Posted by carrie at 7/12/2005 04:13:00 PM
Monday, July 11, 2005
let's just say this right now. i do not like mommy blogs as a general rule. it's the feminist in me i believe that you have to have more of an identity outside of being a mother. if that is all you ever freaking talk about..... there's a problem. i mean, if you talk about it interestingly and intelligently, i guess that's a different story. but i still don't like to see women whose soul source of identity is their child. it's not good for them and it's not good for the child, either.
Becoming a mother is a complicated thing. Not only am I trying to negotiate a relationship with my child, a relationship that defines itself as it becomes defined, I am trying to negotiate a relationship with myself as I attempt to determine how I mother, how I feel about mothering, how I want to mother and how I wish I was mothered. Having become a mother, I have also become a part of something larger than the maternal dyad of myself and my daughter: I am now a member of a new society, a new demographic, a new cultural category, with all the weight of our society's ideas of motherhood upon me. I am sorting out how I mother my child, how my mother mothered me and how I fit in with the world's idea of what a mother should be, and that is no small task. It's also not something I can do without ambivalence, conflict, or emotion. As I try to navigate this new terrain, I'm slowly learning that feeling conflicted does not mean that I don't love my child. I'm coming to realize that the ubiquitous magazine and media portrayal of the ever-loving, always-happy über mom is an expression of that childish hope we all harbor for the perfect parent rather than a prescriptive formula I must follow. I'm slowly convincing myself that experiencing what I'm really feeling is better than forcing myself to "love every minute," which only breeds resentment toward this tiny person who somehow rules my life and refuses me the complexity of human emotion. It's still difficult to admit to myself that I don't actually love every minute of what I do from day to day without immediately wanting to take it all back and try to be the Good Mom, the perfect blank slate onto which others can write their own impressions. I try to remember that I was psychologically complex pre-motherhood and that no one thought I was a bad person because of it. --Andrea Buchanan, Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It
Posted by carrie at 7/11/2005 02:59:00 PM
i am so glad that i have commenters on my blog. i really encourage it. i try my best to engage ppl so they feel, and i feel, a sense of human interaction on some level. there is a great post about this over at Steven Streight a.k.a. Vaspers the Grate's Blog Core Values site. Steven deconstructs blogging and i personally very much enjoy his site. so check it out!! don't forget to read the comments section! always one of the best parts, right? but of course. commenters rule!
Posted by carrie at 7/11/2005 04:42:00 AM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
it's too bad i didn't know that bloggers should have cool made-up names when i made my blog. it's too much trouble to make a whole new blog. i can't do that now. it's too late. i could just say that carrie is not my real name. but would you believe me? does it matter? do you believe anything i say, in the first place? today, i got a new surprise. it was two pink lines. so, now, i have a new obsession to deal with. a new reason to live. i was wondering why i seemed to feel so large, lately. i am happy, though, because i was beginning to think that it was too late for me to do the thing i swore a sane person would never do twice. but i am not sane. that's okay, though. really. you probably don't believe me. i believe me, though. because it's really a miracle. why? how? because.
Posted by carrie at 7/10/2005 03:35:00 PM
Saturday, July 09, 2005
today, my life has been relatively unexciting. re-vamped my entire blog template. i am going to try to leave it like this for a while. it's really hard for me to not change it, though. and if the impulse is strong enough, i will probably just do it, anyway.i like to think that there is synchronicity in the universe. i think that blogging is a way for more synchronicities to be available. speeds up the rate. sometimes, i might be compelled to blog about something that someone else who will read my blog in the near future particularly needed information about. blogging coincidences. random isn't random.
"Very few people in the world pay attention to harmony; they do not know that without it there is no chance of happiness. It is only the harmonious ones who can make others happy and partake of that happiness themselves, and apart from them it is hard to find happiness in the world." --The Inner Life
Posted by carrie at 7/09/2005 05:45:00 PM
Friday, July 08, 2005
there's a great new thrift store in town and today was our first opportunity to peruse the merchandise. it's a good store; big, with lots of variety. i got a Norma Jean pin for $0.45, a really cool purse for $1, sock monkey stuffing for $0.59, 3 rad puzzles for $0.99 each. an 1960's Game of Life for a dollar and this really cool game called Masterpiece: The Art Auction Game by Parker Brothers. it was a ton of really cool stuff all for about six dollars, is what it boils down to. puzzles are fun. also, rented a movie called Siddhartha that was made in 1972. should be interesting. now, i'm just listening to madonna songs.
Posted by carrie at 7/08/2005 02:17:00 PM
"Every vice was once a virtue, and may become respectable again, just as hatred becomes respectable in wartime" --Will Durant
Posted by carrie at 7/08/2005 09:46:00 AM
Thursday, July 07, 2005
when that fire happened, i speculated philosophically what meaning there may have been behind it. cleansing through fire? rebirth? was it a lesson to me? a message that i was on the wrong path? i have thought perhaps this could be. i have also thought that it could have been because in that apartment i had made an attempt at painting the letters of the hebrew alphabet on a canvas. it is said that those letters are "words of the living God." i must be very self-centered to think that i am the one that causes everything that happens in my life.
Posted by carrie at 7/07/2005 09:35:00 PM
"The monster is also that which appears for the first time and, consequently, is not yet recognized." (J.Derrida)reality is not separate from you or me. it is not something "out there" the fact that you are perceiving a different reality at this moment than i, being it so that you are in a separate body, does not make one of our realities less real than the other. humans construct human reality. the world doesn't have any meaning in and of itself other than what we decide that it has. other than what we attribute to it. we categorize things and people as separate because otherwise we would all be the same person. for whatever reason a specific group becomes the dominant one; whatever it is that they desire to be "reality" becomes just that. our expectations create a thing. they do not discover it. i think that sometimes i might come off as intimidating because of a certain assuredness i have about only certain things, but still it is there. but, i don't mean to be intimidating. i have to work on that. it's inherited. both of my parents were bossy know-it-alls.
Posted by carrie at 7/07/2005 02:34:00 PM
everything i say is a pointless waste of time and i don't even know why i talk. but, i feel that way about everyone. so it's a moot point. so now, i can talk again. and type. whatever the feck i want! and if you don't like it: GOOD! i hope you don't like it! i just wanted to have a blog and be able to type whatever i want to and it is mine. if you don't like my blog, you are my best friend forever. if you don't like my blog and you tell me so, it's even better! we can be enemies for life. what's the difference? i like to have arguments. so argue away! that's what i'm here for. do you think i blog just to see myself type? no. i blog to annoy the living daylights out of people who don't like me because nobody does. and if you do, it's because you don't know the truth about me. i'm a jerk! but you probably are a jerk, too. isn't this sweet of me? well, what good does it do to try and engage people in an interesting discussion when all they really want is for a girl to either show her naked body or be all fru-fru. if i want to talk about something real, then i guess a blog is not the way to go about it. and if i think that i might actually be contributing something worthwhile to the world, well... who's to be the judge of that but my lovely readers?
Posted by carrie at 7/07/2005 01:48:00 AM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
the movie Grass is narrated by Woody Harrelson and is very educational, so i recommend it. it's about propaganda. today, my teacher was getting on my nerves because i felt like i had valid and relevant contributions to the discussion and he either ignored me or dismissed whatever i said. at least, that is how it felt to me, but i could just have p.m.s. today we discussed issues surrounding privelege, who has it and why? is it human nature to place people into hierarchies? it is a way of imposing order and structure which equals security. we watched a film which discussed the concept of race as a floating signifier, which means something to the effect that there is nothing solid or permanent to the meaning of race. it is never static. classification of people according to concepts of race is actually about power and maintaining order. it stabilizes culture and provides structure. problems arise when a principle of classification is used to justify a system of power and exclusion. the thing i seem to be learning more and more and more and more is this: nothing is permanent.
Posted by carrie at 7/06/2005 05:20:00 PM
i like that one crazy girl in Heavenly Creatures. not Kate Winslet. the other one. Melanie Lynskey i like the accent she had in that movie. it's kind of like an australian accent, but a unique australian accent. like to a specific area or something. like, they say win like "ween" and i think that is so cute! my class today was interesting. it is called The Philosophy of Race and Racism. we watched this film where this one black man was very angry and he was yelling and saying how angry he was and i felt it and it made me cry. i get angry, too. the class is going to be stimulating. i have a tendency to fall asleep when there's a film shown in class. today was no exception. i only nodded off for, like, 5 minutes, but when i awoke i had that feeling of not knowing where i was because it was the first time i'd gone to that class so everything was unfamiliar. it took me like a half-hour to find the frickin' building. it's in some converted hospital that looks more like a church to me.
Posted by carrie at 7/06/2005 01:25:00 AM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
have you ever read Fahrenheit 451? i'm sure you have. it's a lovely, lovely, lyrical poem. bradbury is an amazing talent. in that book, books were not allowed. people were not encouraged to think for themselves nor to have new or revolutionary ideas flitting about in their minds. the rebels were those who had actually memorized a book. a man who had memorized The Jungle Book, say, would be from then on referred to by the name of The Jungle Book and would be consulted anytime someone wanted to know what was in that book. Maybe someday that's how things will be, in some sense. it's true that books are outmoded just like records and eight tracks and even VHS tapes and soon DVDs. the pace of culture is ever increasing. i was saying that is a good thing, but nothing is completely good or bad and we really have no way of knowing what the eventual outcome will be. I've always had a love of books. i thought of the library as my home away from home. i always felt safest there. it seemed to me like nothing could go wrong at the library. it was a magical place. i spent most of my time roaming the aisles that housed books on psychics, the afterlife, metaphysics, religion and psychology. it seems to make sense to me, now that i consider myself an anthropologist. but, i never knew that i wanted to be an anthropology major until only about a year ago. i'd been studying it for my own entertainment without really even knowing what to call that! once, when my house burned down, the newspaper asked me what possession i missed the most and i said that my books were irreplaceable. in a sense, a book is irreplaceable. they are very sentimental objects. i've never liked to think of myself as a sentimental person. but, i hadn't made a list of what books i had accumulated over the years. i saved a few that weren't too bad. two that survived the fire: The Way to Love by Anthony DeMello and The Meaning of Happiness by Alan Watts. even though the pages are a little krinkly and maybe there's some sooty spots-- those I couldn't just throw away.
Posted by carrie at 7/05/2005 02:57:00 PM