Monday, July 31, 2006

human interest

i still haven't had a chance to take any pics of the house. too busy! everything is still up in the air, i.e. not settled. but soon it will be. we have an awesome little old lady as a neighbor and she is going to be my new best friend. her name is maizie

Sunday, July 30, 2006

a new start

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well, i am starting a new life in a new town. our house is cool! it's old fashioned. i like that. it has character. there are restaurants in the town, just no fast food chains.

Friday, July 28, 2006

ride a horse

see how hard i am working? meh. not really. i've been feeling a wee bit queasy all day... hungover, i'd imagine. i keep wanting to eat sundaes. yesterday i had a hot fudge sundae from mickey D's and then a banana split at HTB. i know, i shouldn't do it. i've been eating saltines with butter. that's probably not the best thing to do, either. but that's okay because at our new house it is going to be like a sauna and we will sweat the weight off. and i'll start horseback riding, hopefully, with scott's mom cuz she has horses and rides daily through all kinds of weather.

i figured it out myself

at hometown buffet they have a mirrored wall right in the area where you fill your plates and it is a mirror that makes you look fatter than you really are. they do this so that you will eat less food because you will realize how disgusting you look and decide against that fourth helping of shrimp alfredo. another thing they do is put some kind of substance in the food which makes you feel full after two bites. i swear! it seems like that to me, anyway.

like a whirlwind

yesterday i saw this polka dotted bag in a store as we were walking out and i said, in passing, "how cute!" and continued walking to the car. scott never came out of the store and i was like, "what the?" and he finally came out with the bag! aw! how sweet! so now i can't ever say he doesn't buy me anything. for the rest of our lives. :-)

and also we are going to spend one more night here at our old house and tomorrow i will not post but i will probably be posting again by monday because i'm going to be staying at my mom's cuz scott's gonna drive to kentucky with his dad. so i got drunk last night for nothin'! don't worry, i won't be doing that again tonight.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


tonight we were partying cuz it's our last night in our old apartment and i drank wine and i got carried away and ended up gettingsick.. what a retard.

workin overtime

while scott's been busy moving our possessions out of the house, i've been watching the baby and pretending to vacuum but mostly taking pictures of myself. + blogging bc this is prolly my last chance to post after today for a few days.
something smells like burnt tortillas.


letter B (2:58)
monster in the mirror is AWESOME. i want to marry grover.

i <3 sesame street

no longer needing

i somehow ended up getting a free tarot reading that was really really good.

how you feel about yourself now (Death)
Perhaps you feel that everything as you have known it is falling apart. Unexpected changes and turmoil, end of a job, end of a career, divorce or end of a relationship, recovering from a bereavement or fear of bereavement. Try not to worry too much, this time of absolute endings heralds a brand new beginning, a period of great transformation.

what you most want at this moment (The World)

The cards suggest carrie, that what you most want at this time is a successful conclusion after all your hard work - well that time is close. This is a time for completion and satisfaction, the final change is here and you’ve done your best to win through.

your fears (Temperance)

You are afraid that this period of harmony in your relationship or life in general is not going to last. Perhaps you are afraid a rival is going to cause conflict or already is and threatens to upset the peace and tranquillity you are enjoying. Any quarrels will be short lived so just try and enjoy the moment for what it is. If life is not joyful and tranquil at the moment you may fear that it never will be, take heart and be patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.

what is going for you (Judgement)
Brand new potential, an opportunity which once given must not be ignored, a new project, decision or relationship that could affect the rest of your life. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected.

what is going against you (Strength)
Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.

outcome (Wheel Of Fortune)
Expect life to change and quickly. Fate, destiny or synchronicity, call it what you like, positive change and good fortune is evident here. If you have important choices to make trust your intuition. Do you feel that events seem to be evolving without much input from you? If so trust it and go with the flow.

Lotus Tarot: Alison Day's site offers free online tarot card readings, card meanings, a learn tarot course, tarot articles and a discussion forum

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

do hot dogs go bad in the refrigerator after a certain period of time? i mean, its not like they have any nutritional value, really, anyway. they’re probably not even really food at all. and if you nuke ‘em enough and slather them with mustard and a fresh bun... i’m definitely a bun lover.... i’m sure month-old hot dogs are fine. right? i think they were frozen for part of that time.

what? yeah! okay...

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i don't like thick 'high quality' toilet papers because i use up a roll of that stuff in two sittings. it is the act of pulling it off the roll that gets me into trouble. you know how babies and kitty cats are fascinated by unrolling a roll of t.p.? well, that's what it's like for me. i just can't contain myself. so, i like cheap thin toilet paper because the rolls last longer. i especially like scott tissue, but scott doesn't like that kind for some reason.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

on v-logging

i discuss my impromptu ideas on video blogging vs. regular blogging. (2:02)

the WORLD makes me mad

i am totally addicted to youTube. it is so awesome to be able to watch whatever whenever. we have been watching madtv and snl with NO commercials and you dont have to listen to bands you hate, either. its the best thing since sliced bread. right now we are watching every episode of Stuart. anyway, yeah... that's my idea of a good time.

you just don't GET me!

doesn't it suck to be misunderstood? i HATE it! it seems like i've always felt that way. i think it is because i have an alcoholic personality. i've read lots of AA stuff cuz of my dad and one of the things that even a 'dry drunk' might feel is "nobody understands me... i'm not like everyone else." but it does happen that people just don't get some other people. that's a culture thing. it can especially be generational. like older people don't *get* younger people and stuff like that.

gotta get inside

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i am feeling REALLY irritable this morning. why does everything have to annoy me?

if i analyze the feelings of anger it's coming from thinking things should be different than they are.

i could wear the most insane outfit imagineable and scott would most likely not bat an eyelash. i could wear black stuff smeared all over my cheeks and red galoshes with a tube top and a tutu and scott would just be like, "ready to go?" which is very liberating, really. one of my exes used to tell me not to wear certain things. i guess i think that it shouldn't matter. but, i like fashion. i am interested in how people dress. scott basically just doesn't care. but he would probably like it if i wore a motorcycle corset.

Monday, July 24, 2006

it's a fact

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i wish i had some ice cream or a sundae and a malted milkshake banana split coffee icecream is my favorite. but a bowl of frosted shredded wheat will suffice. and i'm having the dregs of the box so there's extra sugar. desire is part of life. being alive involves desire. i desire to be more creative and expressive. i desire to integrate more knowledge and culture into my life. i desire to be a success. what do you desire?

cruel & unusual

last night i was just wide awake so i read up to p. 54 in my new book. it makes me think about how not everyone, by a long shot, is capable of writing well. it takes something special because there is communication on many levels and it takes dedication and commitment (obsession, really) to be able to write something really worth reading. it's hard work so you'd have to be obsessed to want to do it.


i'm probably gonna be without internet for a few days pretty soon here. i hope i can still survive outside of the blogosphere. what if i can't? no, i'm sure i'll be fine. it's only a few days, right? actually, i don't know how long it will be. it might be like a week or something. i will be so out of touch! but maybe it will give me a fresh perspective. i guess i will have plenty of other stuff to do anyways.

that's what you get

this video takes me back to high school. i was just getting myself a cup of coffee and i was thinking about jesus christ superstar and i absentmindedly put parmesan cheese into my coffee instead of creamer because i wasn't paying attention! i was on auto-pilot. so i had to do a do-over. and scott said that is what i get for not putting the parmesan away after dinner last night. trootroo. and that made me think of this song and if you haven't watched that jesus loves me video then you are not my friend. and i want comments, too. i guess i should have said why i put it on my blog. it is just funny because 1. i used to sing those songs when i was a kid and went to a christian school and 2. it is kinda strange to think that nowadays if you saw little kids with a guy that fit the description of jesus you might be a little concerned to say the least. wink wink nudge nudge. byte. bye.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

your mama

tomorrow my baby has to get her 4 mo. shots and it is gonna be horrible when they jab that needle into her little thighs. can't they find a better way?

and starting tomorrow we really have to start focusing on getting moved.

i think we are going to get a truck this week, probably tomorrow.

where we live right now is actually a pretty noisy place what with a playground down the road where there's a summer day camp, some kind of halfway house on the corner, a liquor store, and then behind us the baseball field and disk golf course. there's always a lot of annoying noise and activity. also, this annoying dog that is always howling and our neighbor is constantly doing some kind of construction work involving drills and power saws.

the guy at the liquor store asked me if i'd just recently moved here and i said no, i'd been here about a year but we are moving and he said he thought about living here because it would be closer to work but he didn't want to because it's too noisy. it is an area of disrupted chi.

be a pepper

i got eleanor rigby by douglas coupland, today. i had never heard of him until raymi mentioned him so yes that is where i got the idea and where i get a lot of ideas, yes yes yes. that's fine. i'm old, have 'no life' and i copy raymi in my spare time. i like to copy people. i am a follower. why deny it? i think she's cool and so do a lot of people. we're all somebody's groupie.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

turtles have it easy

the place we are moving to is a town with a population of about 2000 and there are no fast food joints or anything! the nearest town with actual stuff is susanville... we have a TON of shit to do and we are in major SLOWMO mode. we need some tweaker to come to our house and do all the packing for us and stuff cuz we aren't motivated. we will be motivated here in a couple of days when we have no other alternative but to get our butts in gear.

Friday, July 21, 2006

change is good

we're watching grilled and there is this really funny part when king of queens yells "i'll punch your asshole!" at ray romano. whew. that was a good one. the movie is all earth tones and like bronze and burnt orange and rust and gold and browns. beautiful palette. okay i have to stop now because i am typing too loud!!!!! and it is disturbing scott's movie.

unicorns are my friends

once upon a time in a land far far away there was a unicorn that roamed free in the golden meadows chasing butterflies and following rainbows to the pot of gold at the end. that's all i have time for.

look what i can do!

my stupid cat came up to me and sprayed butt-juice on my foot. yeah. i guess that is supposed to be a compliment like she loves me and she is marking me as her property. i am un-flattered. i sorta yelled at her saying g-dammit reeses you whore! stupid kitty.

yes, jesus loves me

Thursday, July 20, 2006

pour it on

someone who held sophie today had so much cologne on that when we got home i had to wash sophie's hair, change her clothes and change my shirt and wash my face! now THAT is ridiculous!


"It takes a long time to understand nothing" --Edward Dahlberg

life is rough

i keep trying to find the time, but i keep not being able to find it. i lose it a lot. i'm not sure where it goes. it never comes back. i use it but not always wisely. can you really waste time? how? doesn't it go by too quickly for that? maybe it's best if it's never found.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

the shadow knows

i am eating beef jerky. sometimes i like to eat saltine crackers. sometimes they just taste really good. and they can make you feel better if you have an upset stomach.
i cannot STAND david hasselhoff. i would have to hurt him if ever i were forced to spend an extended amount of time with him... like more than 5 mins. serious. one time i saw this music video of his and it was the stupidest thing of all time. unbelievably so.

i was trying to take pictures of myself at the grocery outlet and scott was getting embarrassed and i'm like, take a look around-- is there anyone here you want to impress? there were some real winners in there, that's fer sure. but i was embarrassed, too and my pics all turned out lame cuz i was too chicken to do it right


it feels like i've had an epiphany today of "i like it when people pay attention to me." and then i thought, maybe other people like having attention paid to them, as well. i'm quite sure that we all like it. but, usually i have a facade up which says, "i don't even care if you pay attention to me and that is why i am ignoring you!"

if you keep looking you will keep finding interesting blogs. it's infinite, maybe.

gas mask bardo (00:36)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

out of the sighs

Out of the sighs a little comes,
But not of grief, for I have knocked down that
Before the agony; the spirit grows,
Forgets, and cries;
A little comes, is tasted and found good;
All could not disappoint;
There must, be praised, some certainty,
If not of loving well, then not,
And that is true after perpetual defeat.
dylan thomas
that pasta i made turned out pretty good. better than my last attempt at meatloaf did. even though scott was afraid to eat it and waited until he was dying of starvation and i obviously wasn't going to cook anything else before he caved and heated some up and saw that it was good. next time i will use actual whipping cream instead of evaporated milk (which was all i had). and i will have an onion (or shallots) and angel hair pasta instead of spaghetti. anyways

give me justice

"nothing is to be preferred before justice"--socrates

but what is justice? not revenge, no. just rewards. we reap what we sow, eventually. but justice is a virtue.

what IS justice, really?

don't be lily-livered

i am going to make pasta with curry seafood sauce. maybe i'll film it and make my very own cooking show. yeah. that will be exciting.

we rented the ren & stimpy lost episodes.

Monday, July 17, 2006

dolphins have blowholes

i made meatloaf but every time i make meatloaf the ingredients are different and it never tastes the same. this time i used a packet of meatloaf seasoning because at grocery outlet they only sell onions in bags of six or eight or something which is just a waste of onions because i have no need to use so many onions and they don't really last that long before they start to wilt or mold or rot.
i like my snickers bars melted. not cold.
the end.



Sunday, July 16, 2006

3 strikes, you're out!

"baseball taught me what i needed to survive in the world. the game has given me the patience to learn and succeed. as much as i was known for my homers, i also was known for my strikeouts. the strikeout is the ultimate failure. i struck out 1,936 times. but, i'm proud of my strikeouts, for i feel that to succeed, one must first fail; the more you fail, the more you learn about succeeding. the person who has never tried and failed will never succeed. each time i walked away from the plate after a strikeout, i learned something. my success is the product of knowledge extracted from my failures." --willie stargell

on psychiatry

i found this written on an envelope.... no reference....

there is something backwards about a medical system that needs to cut you open and/or give you drugs to perpetuate itself. our mental health system is designed to get your behavior and emotions under control so that you can fit back into the dysfunctional system. drugs that are designed to disconnect you from your feelings block the healing process.
i am not suggesting that this is true or false. only an interesting point to ponder.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

ask yourself


woo hoo! i'm famous

don't speak (00:34)
me on youtube! woot. whatever. "woot?" that is so lame.

why the hell won't my linebreaks stay?

glow when you know where you are going, there is little or less opportuny for spontenaiety when you have your mind set on a specific destination. fireworks falsification birds chirp then silence and i am letting the words type themselves. i want to be a vessel i ask what do you want me to type? sit up straight take that belt from around my waist and don’t you think that i won’t use it. i am not the cause of what happened but i am the universe and so are you so let’s all praise the lord. i amonne of them father abraham had many sons many sons had father abraham. this is what i am typing. if i just let myself type whatever comes up. like a cloud sinking in the pond the muddy muck rises up and the lotus reveals its splendour. but what is that pond? was there a rock? floating up? rocks don’t float. actually, there probably are rocks that float. like pumice. or something. geology is awesome. i love geology. geology rocks! rawks. \m/ there is always something wrong with my spine and my neck. *rolls eyes* that annoys me that i typed that. i want some coffee. we watched that indianmovie with anthony hopkins. it is really a cute movie. a soul-warmer. it’s great. if it were playing on my television right now, i would be glad. i have the dvd, but i am too lazy to make it happen. same with the coffee. not sure if i am fully motivated to go and get some.
i was feeling that feeling again that i feel. it has to do with thinking, “why would anyone want to read this? (in reference to personal trivia vanity blogs as VTG would call them) if you haven’t noticed, he is my blog guru.
anyway, i always answer the question with a question: why am i reading it then? why am i reading it? why why WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
****okay, NOW i will get coffee because i feel uncomfortable enough to go get something. karma.
coffee reminds me of my dad. i miss having coffee with him. i diddly do.
i want to innterview more ppl. it is fun.

Friday, July 14, 2006

an interview

i interviewed V[a=9sp/erSTH[|]e/GRa,!~~t!~~E.

OM: 1. "Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?"
VTG: Half the sound of two hands clapping.
2. "If nothing exists, where does anger come from?"
Whether the universe is infinite or finite has nothing to do with the path that leads to extinction of socially correct, soul-devouring inordinate desire ( i.e., of normalized insanity).
3. "Do you have any pets?"
Squirrels, birds, spiders, rabbits, groundhogs, chipmunks, wasps, bees, flutterbys, butterflys, and other life forms in my area.
4. "what do you think about bloggers copying other bloggers?"
As long as they copy me to a fine-honed, sylph-imposed auto-da-fe, I'm fine with it.
5. what musical instrument is your favorite?
(1) Violin (2) Nature (3) Random ambient noise
what kind of blog do you hate the most?

(1) My own blog, thus it is continually being improved
(2) Partisan political blogs
(3) Blog media network analysis blogs
(4) Non-human, RSS vampire, Google search feedbot, pseudo blogs that syphon content from my blogs and contain 135 auto-generated posts per day, so you know it's a program who is the "blogger"
(5) Mommy blogs that expose children to predators and pervs by providing too much personal, environmental, behavioral data
(6) Hype monger vanity vending machine blogs with a carnival atmosphere, pushing products at hapless visitors, and having no free samples, charging a price for everything, stingy and greedy.
(7) Vanity confessional blogs posing as marketing, consulting, web design, or business blogs.
(8) Corporate blogs that read like recycled press releases, product catalogs, old school PR, and "we"-oriented, pompous, arrogant grandiosity.

Steven Streight aka Vaspers the Grate Web Usability. IT. Social Media. Ecommerce.


i guess we are gonna have a maui zowie pizza tonight.


scott: it's boring up here with you

me: that's because you're boring

scott: not as boring as you!

yeah well, okay maybe i'm boring, then. or more likely we both are.

did you notice that the best blogs are by crazy people? so does that mean you are not crazy if nobody reads your blog?

impressive, no?
those are the kind of amazing deep thoughts i have on a regular basis.

inner.calm (yeah, i wish)

there are a few videos i've got posted at buzznet but for some reason, i still can't embed them. is it just me?
just more of me being silly.


Thursday, July 13, 2006


there really aren't wine coolers anymore. just those flavored malt beverages that taste like carbonated kool-aid and contain only 5 percent alcohol. they're a tease, really. i'd have to slam a whole sixpack to feel a buzz.
but they're about my speed for the time being. what with other responsibilities. being the mother of a 4 month-old is the main one.
i got some gummy alphabet letters and i am going to be creative with them and take some photos. it'll be cool.

i can't tell you

when i was AT the store yesterday, i was IN the toiletpaper aisle and i KNEW that we needed toilet paper but i didn't buy any. i postponed that purchase. now WHAT could my motivation be, there? because it at first makes no sense to me but i know that i procrastinate things like that... like there just has to be a certain amount of things that i have put off 'til later or left on the backburner. i can't be TOO responsible. i have to have things tugging at me that i know i need to do but am not doing.
it's a selfdefeating behavior. like hamlet. i have that underachiever chip on my shoulder thing going on for 'no good reason' rebel without a cause stubborn contrary argumentative.

or would you rather hear about how perfect i am?

so now i have to buy t.p. today. because we are on our last roll.

do you take it personally if you want the window open and someone else wants it closed? i tend to.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

what is talent?

david hasselfhoff is nobody to judge anybody. and brandy? whatEVER. that overaged boyband riverdance group was just lame, i’m sorry. america’s rejects is what the show could be called. well, i wish i could do what that hoopalicious girl can do. she was rad.
i liked the little yodeling girl, sorta... but... television is retarded. nature shows and science shows are better. everybody ought to know that.

doing videos is fun but it’s not the same as writing. it doesn’t bring the same satisfaction as writing does. but all that means is that i will do both. i think blogs need a variety of types of posts... such as photo posts, personal posts, youtubes, videos, podcasts, maybe.... and then posts about blogging and posts about other blogs and posts about links to cool junk.

most political blogs do not interest me at all. then there are blogs that attempt to focus how the blogger has a certain psychiatric diagnosis, but from a personal perspective. that’s dubious, too. but... who am mi to judge?

i went to the ocean today

it is finally hot here (relatively speaking). i don't like it.
time for some jambalaya.
which will only make me feel more hot.
my laptop is also warm.

lonely goatherd

i can yodel, too!
this is just a funny silly random video i found on youtube!

so sad

i have nothing to say


this is my cat. sorry for talking that way. it's reflexive. i can't help it. i tried not to do it, but i can't talk to the cat in a normal voice unless i'm mad at her.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

2 separate everywheres

the universe IS NOT nonsensical. did you know that?

i should be a physicist. but the math and science and logic are a problem for me.
so i'll just be a metaphysicist. how 'bout that?


ask me a hundred years from now, then i can tell you.

ok fine

i went to the group and it was really good.
it was only me and this one other woman whom i find very interesting. she's like 50 or so, but she and i have a lot of similarities in our psychology. and then there were two facilitators. anyway, i'm really glad that i went afterall. and THEN when i got home both scott and the baby were asleep and are still sleeping so i've just been able to chill out to the max. which is good because we have our last counseling with jerry at 4.


i don't want to go to my group today. i don't think i will. and i should call to let them know, but i am not sure if i can or want to do that. i'm cheating myself if i don't go. AaRGH!!
i also put this video on buzznet but the feature to embed it on my blog is not available right now. gay.
stay tuned for more amazing footage of my life to follow.

have you seen this?

it's funny.
jack johnson
(with ben stiller)


i was eating a cookie

Monday, July 10, 2006


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting i laugh too loudly-- obnoxiously. sometimes i cannot control the volume of my voice. i blame it on acoustic problems. sometimes i get excited. i've been trying to be more aware of it because sometimes it startles the baby. so i have to be more careful.

there is a baseball field out behind our apartments. you can walk back there and there's a disk golf course and a cemetery. but we have been thusly blessed with the beautiful sounds of people hooting and hollering at the evening baseball games.

one time scott and i were walking through there and i didn't realize that i was walking right in the way of some disk-golfers and when i realized it-- he knew it the whole time and just wanted to see what i would do. he thought i knew or something. i don't know.

indulge yourself

well, i ended up going to another thrift store. i spent 6 dollars. this one shirt i got is made out of organically grown cotton and it was only like 75 cents.
i like to medicate myself with food. it sucks when i am at the video store and i see some woman who is a size ZERO and i feel like a behemoth. so i will eat some more spicy thai kettle chips and hot dog with extra mustard. k?

what's new?

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this is a secret.
i get it in my head that i must MUST have something or t'other...
right now, it is a denim skirt from a thrift store.
i haven't found it, yet, though.
i checked two shops to no avail. nothing worked for me.

but it's still buzzin' in me that i am incomplete without such a skirt. i've been tempted to fashion one myself, but i'm not sure i could find the time, realistically. it seems like it might be too complicated. it's cuz i got some leggings and i need a little skirt to go with. i have skirts, but i need a different one. i probably even have such a skirt and should go down and sort through all my boxes and see what i find. that will be like goinng too a thrift shop. seriously.