well, i guess if you say so

galore is a funny word

when i am blogsurfing and i see blogs where the header is a big image of like Meg Ryan or something... I think to myself, WTF? am i supposed to imagine that the person writing this blog looks like Meg Ryan? Or are they just a big fan of hers? it seems like they are trying to trick me into thinking they might be Meg Ryan. Whatever. i automatically think that they must be really unattractive if they can't even put an image of one of their own body parts.... I mean, most ppl have at least ONE attractive body part they could photograph. Anyway, that's my deep thought for the day. ta ta!

let me take you on a trip

Riding on the bus of life. Today is a day of travel. Twenty minutes left to pack. It's only a weekend trip, though.

feral cheryl

Have you ever heard of Feral Cheryl? She's Australia's answer to the Barbie. no, not the kind you put shrimp on! har har. My current teacher is Australian. She's an interesting and funny lady. recently, i've noticed that my brain has been narrowed. by being an anthropology major. well, what i mean to say is: I THINK like an Anthropologist, now. i used to not think like an anthropologist. but now i actually know the meaning of words like exegesis, hegemony, emic, and the difference between primal and world religions. it's just something i noticed. there was a time when these meanings were not in my head and now they are. someday we'll prolly be able to just download it all. mutate and become part human part machine. just like Vaspers the Great says.

batman begins

Gary Oldman as Commissioner James Gordon. Yeah baby. It was a good movie. Very long. Make sure you are not hungry when you go. Or make sure you have snacks. Lots of cool people in the movie. Very dark. Helped me to see something in myself with regard to fear/anger/guilt. Katie Holmes is O.K. Not a big thrill.

oppose cruelty?

I've been to chicken hatcheries. I've seen a chicken get its head ripped off and run around headless. It doesn't make me feel bad. Chickens are dumb. They're meant to be eaten. Vegetarians have often bugged me because they don't really understand that we can't live without consuming life. It is a fact of the universe. Deal. You wouldn't be able to move if you really were concerned with not killing. Better to just be grateful and conscious of what sustains you. I just can't buy into idealistic philosophies. I can't sustain my belief in them.

"The bottom line is simple, to be alive, everyone kills a living creature. And as far as vegetarians being more peace-loving, lets not forget, Adolph Hitler was a vegetarian. Ooops..."

i know there was an earthquake just now I totally felt it and it was awesome.

crikey

it amazes me sometimes how lame people will be. not that i'm perfect, mind you. we are all equally cabable of lamiosity. but still. or maybe I'm just a trouble-maker. i don't know.... but, i seem to have caused a ruckus on tony's blog-- and i'd had no intention of doing so. i was merely stating my humble opinion about the jackson case. apparently i really got to this one guy who now completely despises the ground on which i tread. grrrr. so here's the low-down: I left the following comment stating my opinion about michael jackson. Carrie: well, he definitely needs help. but, i've always loved michael jackson. his thinking is not in accordance with our culture, but we are the ones who made him what he is. Patrick: "his thinking is not in accordance with our culture, but we are the ones who made him what he is." the stupidest fucking comment I have ever heard in my life! Sure it's OUR fault not his! Also for the fans, please be smart enough to seperate the artist from the person. Just because someone is talented and you love their music doesn't make him innocent and to be fair it doesn't make him guilty either. Even though he is. Common sense is if a grown man is sleeping in the same bed with little boys he is molesting them or hoping to. Tony: Yes but Patrick, there is nothing "common" about Michael Jackson or this situation. How common is it to bring your kid over to a property like Neverland for continual sleepovers while being fully aware of what he has been accused of in the past? His thinking *isn't* like ours. Thats not a stupid comment at all. It isnt. His dancing isnt like ours, his singing isnt like ours, his life isnt like ours. Even among pop stars hes totally different in everything that he does. Therefore it isnt common sense that what he does in a bed is what others would do. Perhaps he really does like to just sleep in his bed with them and not molest them. In fact this trial has proven to me, at least, that Sneddon had 10 years to find credible witnesses to testify that he touched kids in a sexual way and they failed. Wilder asks us to seperate the man from the musician, I ask you who thinks Michael's guilty to seperate the freak from the facts of this case. I have yet to hear anyone talk about the facts of the case. Carrie: his childhood was stolen away from him by those who demanded he spend it performing instead of playing with other kids, so he never grew up. what i am saying is that a greedy public wants to take take take but then blames the person for being abnormal. i think his thinking is WRONG! he needs a lot of psychological work. but, it is a symptom of a SOCIETAL sickness. just because you do not fully understand something i say does not make it the stupidest thing you have ever heard in your life. Patrick: The only person who stole his childhood away was his father!. How did society do it? Greedy public? How were people buying his albums being greedy? No one knew how bad he had it until it was too late. This everyone is a victim of society bullshit thinking has got to stop. We make our own choices. and believe me I understand every naive, simplistic thing you say.

Can you believe this guy? WTF?!?!?!?!? What did I ever do to him to make him so despise me? I mean, he is just being rude. He can't accept that each individual in a society is inextricable from that society itself? Grrrr. He can't see the forest for the trees, i tell ya.

judge not lest ye be judged

When one strives for perfection…then one also rejects imperfection. So what happens is, because of this sense of looking out for imperfection, one also sees imperfection in people. And imperfection somehow turns into sin, and people who commit such acts become “sinners”. Not a good thing. And because they had sacrificed so much for God, they naturally became PROUD of themselves and set themselves apart from others… from “sinners”. --Mercy, Not Sacrifice

don't feed the monkeys

I have not been doing much in the way of exercising for the past six months. Last time I took yoga, I started to resist going because it really puts you in a position where you are faced with the things in yourself from which you have been running. My sister recently went to a yoga class and had an experience similar to the first time I went to a zen meditation group. I remember having the same feeling of wanting desperately to just LEAVE! Just get the heck out of dodge! it's that monkey mind. it wants to run around crazily, not sit still and focus! Anyway, this article about it is interesting. Oh, and my boyfriend says that they taught him about the monkey mind in sniper school... how sometimes you'll be lying in the same position for hours, days even, and you're not allowed to move. Your mind starts doing all kinds of effed up things to you. His big thing was ants. Even if there weren't ants, he'd imagine ants and he could feel them crawling all over him. I laughed when he told me this and he said, "It sucks. It's not funny." Other than that, I'd like to offer my two cents about the Michael Jackson case. He's psychologically messed up and needs serious therapy to correct his wrong thinking.

on the dark side

I am like the incredible hulk. The Dark Side of the Force is strong with me. If there were never any people around me when I become angry, then it wouldn't be so bad. If I could find a positive way to channel that energy, that would be nice. I need to be able to destroy things-- or, at least try. i should become a superhero. i could put on some crazy outfit and go out and leap tall buildings in a single bound. something would need to make me angry first, though. otherwise, i'm a total wimp. but, when i'm angry i have the strength of a thousand men.

Get a blog!

One of our cats has recently decided the best place for him to sleep is right in between our heads! Not cool! I guess he felt too easily disturbed when lying anywhere else on the bed. Silly codependent kitty. The Rhajastani people are very focused on death and dying. They have many beliefs surrounding these matters. For instance, they believe that it is very common to have people die and not want to let go of their lives—so they stick around and haunt people. Many times, daily problems will be attributed to one of these ghosts. Hermit crabs are a lot of work. They really need continual monitoring to ensure that their environment stays stable and hospitable. If you are the obsessive type, though, hermit crabs can be an enjoyable distraction and an interesting learning experience. There are always certain people in school who feel the need to compete with the teacher and dominate class discussions. It is very annoying when certain extremely long-winded students get a chance to speak and they take up five minutes of class time relating personal anecdotes that are marginally related to the subject matter at hand. Don’t they realize that there is not enough time to allow for that? Don’t they see how inconsiderate it is of them to think that we all want to hear their silly little stories? Such people need to get a blog so they can bore people in cyberspace where there is a choice about whether or not to pay attention to them. I used to be much better at grammar. I’ve begun to notice that, more often than not, my grammar is un-good. ;-) I am starting to simply make up my own rules as I go along. Much of the world finds grammar sticklers annoying, in any case… right? Right.

“That’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes and aeroplanes. Lenny Bruce is not afraid”—r.e.m.

*idea for this post loosely based on 20 minutes with Tony.

common sense hides shame

The Kogi tribe (and I) believe that most people are actually dead and, out of desire, have used thought forms to create the illusion of life for themselves.

hello, operator

1. What is your favorite midnight snack? I love popcorn. Mostly, I prefer salty snacks to sweet ones. Last night, I had a big bowl of Chocolate Therapy ice cream with sliced bananas and a melted almond roca cookie bar on top. That was really good. It is not good to eat anything after 9PM, though, so I try to avoid it, as a general rule. The real answer is, I don’t have a particular favorite. Maybe Chex Mix. 2. What's something that you do every day, but you wish you didn't have to? I’m gonna say “drink coffee.” I honestly have felt this way for years. Occasionally, I have been known to switch to Earl Grey, because I don’t feel like I HAVE TO drink it. With coffee, I feel like I have no choice and am forced to drink it, but I am sick of drinking it. I’ve been drinking coffee pretty much every day since I was, like, 17. Many times, as I am preparing my morning cup of coffee, I notice how I am not looking forward to drinking it. 3. You always have many interesting quotes on your blog. What is a quote that inspires you every time you read it? The Vow of the Bodhisattva. I have it memorized, this one. I say it any time I am needing to center myself. I say it to myself every day at least once. One time, I recited it for a woman and it made her cry (in a good way). That was cool. “With the wish to free all beings, until they reach full awakening, I will always go for refuge to the Buddha, the dharma, and the sangha. Today in the presence of the enlightened ones, inspired by wisdom, compassion and joyous effort, I generate the mind aspiring to full buddhahood for the well-being of all sentient beings. For as long as space endures, and for as long as sentient beings remain; until then, may I too abide to dispel the misery of the world.” I learned this when my dad took me to see the Dalai Lama at UCLA and we were “initiated” as bodhisattvas and the Dalai Lama said that we should say that verse to ourselves every day to remind us of our vow. I won’t say that I 100% live by it, but I try to remember it. 4. What is your morning routine? Brush teeth. Let the cats in or out (they always want one or the other). Check on the hermit crabs. Get a cup of coffee. Check my blog, check my email. Read other people’s blogs. Do a blog post or two. Wash any leftover dishes which may be in the sink from last night. Make something for breakfast. 5. It's almost summer. If you had unlimited funds, where would you travel for summer break? India. I have never been there and I have always wanted to experience India, firsthand. OR, I would buy a VW/Winnebago van and visit some U.S. National Parks. questions posed by Janet

The Official Interview Game Rules 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me." 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. 3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

technorati tag/category: quotes

follow your wrath

America is not all there is to the world. when you address the internet, you should not say, "America," because you are limiting your audience and excluding many potential readers from Australia, India, the Phillipines, or Korea, for example. Americans aren't the only ones with internet access, y'know? my little sister was looking at my junior high yearbooks and making fun of everyone's hairstyles and clothes. i remember doing that when i was younger.... thinking how lame all those old-fashioned weirdos look... and the funny thing is, we always look lame and just don't realize it until years later. or you could say we always look beautiful and just don't realize it until years later. the other day we had a bonfire at the beach.

you like to think that you're immune to the stuff

blogging is not vanity. it is creativity. it is an interactive community of thinkers and creators and innovators. these people use their minds in a proactive way and never rest on their laurels. they inspire me every day. raymi tony bunny the three muses. thank you. i owe you much. creative inspiration is as necessary as air. these people somehow push me to grow past my self-imposed confines. i am forced to see myself for what i really am, again and again.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head. --Mark Twain

minutia

hi. i am really not very tech savvy. i have little clue as to how to navigate my new camera and am faced with reading the how-to manual in seven different languages. that in itself may take up the remainder of my free time for the month. no, but i filled up the memory in a span of about 10 minutes and now, i have to figure out how to be able to have more than 30 pics stored on my camera and how to upload junk. isn't this all deeply fascinating information?

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. --buddha

we don't notice any time pass

okay

i have lots of cool stuff that i'm gonna be doing on my blog very soon. my internet is back up and i have lots of pictures and i got my new camera and also, i do have hello.

this is ridiculous

my blog is seriously messed up now because i don't understand photobucket's policy obviously! i can't fix it because my internet is down. OH WELL! Stupid photobucket!

deliverance

Your anguish is seeking a way to attain to Me: yesterday evening I heard your deep sighs. And I am able, without any delay, to give you access, to show you a way of passage to deliver you from this whirlpool of time, that you might set your foot upon the treasure of union with Me; but the sweetness and delights of the resting place are in proportion to the pain of the journey. Only then will you enjoy your native town and your kinsfolk, when you have suffered the anguish of exile. --Rumi, Mathnawi III, 4154-58

nefarious

"My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, And every tongue brings in a several tale, And every tale condemns me for a villain"--Shakespeare

my stomach is growling. i haven't eaten anything today. it's almost lunchtime. i did not sleep well last night, because i had a stomachache. i've been in a torrential mood all morning. i am hungry, but i don't want to eat. i probably need to eat and sleep. too much focusing on myself while at the same time neglecting myself. this is horrible! let's all check ourselves into mental hospitals! want to? a rehab revolution!

a cruel libel

for hermit crabs, molting is a stressful time and the crabs are vulnerable to attack from other crabs, or death just because they get too upset for whatever reason. they are sensitive. i can relate. it's hard to understand exactly why i am so inexorably drawn to watching more and more curb your enthusiasm. larry david's character is like a car wreck. i remember thinking that George Costanza embarrassed me, but that he was starting to become my favorite character. i feel like there is nothing i can say to really understand what is so fascinating to me about these shows. i think it has something to do with the idea that it doesn't matter what you do, it's going to be wrong if it's wrong or right if it's right. but, that is not profound. i think there is actually a lot of humor in pointing out the ways that we deceive ourselves into thinking we have more control than we really do and how much of a mess we make of things in trying to control outcomes and reactions and situations and all of that. at the same time, being able to take a humorous look at it sort of makes you feel a little bit of compassion for yourself and everyone else for being such an idiot. because, we all are. it's like einstein said:

"There are only two things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity... and I'm not sure about the universe."

yo, that's dope!

i was going to get all the fixins for banana splits, but then i remembered all the stuff we talked about in class today about anorectics. one woman in class said she was beginning to think there was some truth to the phrase "no food tastes as good as being thin feels." and I feel fat! so, i don't think i should eat ever again! but, of course i will and i love food and there's this whole concept that being thin is a demonstration of willpower and control over desire and ah! i should just eat a big fat banana split for my birthday! and why is it that humans are always wanting to deny themselves the very things that they most want? there must be something else we want more! tomorrow my little sister will be here. she is visiting for a few days! that will be fun! she and i can drive my boyfriend up the wall acting immature and annoyingly manic! (she's 14, and i'm mentally 13, if that!)

you're never fully dressed without a smile

read this rant about how birthdays suck. why should i write my own, it's already been written up quite amusingly by that chick.

birthday karma's gonna getchya

so tomorrow's my birthday. i know one thing, i have bad birthday karma this year. i did not properly acknowledge many birthdays for others. so, i'm expecting little to come my way this year and will be grateful for anything that happens to do so. i feel very resigned to my thirty second year of life this time around. today, i ran into an old roommate. she's someone who has helped me out in the past. she and her boyfriend are moving to florida. in my anthropology class there are girls named kona, nora, rose and sterling. cool huh?

searchlights are bright

the guy at the video store was talking about favorite episodes of curb your enthusiasm. i don't know. i don't really think of them as episodes. to me it is just one long drawn out crazy situation. plus, my first exposure to the series was on dvd... so, it is no wonder it would seem that way. i have basically watched three years worth of episodes in about a week. my tolerance for predictibility can be very low. expectations frighten me. being told what to do leaves me with feelings of panic. frequently, i yell at inanimate objects... to say nothing of animate ones. okay, that's enough confessing for now.

wake up!

when i was 18, i worked in a store called salty's record attic. my boss's name was Ramona and she was Wayne Newton's biggest fan! we used to listen to one of his first albums when he still sounded just like a girl when he sang. i thought it was a girl. and she was singing about loving other girls. i was like, this girl is a lesbian! but then, i found out it was really a guy. i really loved his voice back then.

procrastination proclamation

i drew this. it is supposed to be an anime-type version of myself. We watched all the first season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Now, we are watching the second season. I'll do my homework tomorrow morning! i'm too lazy. it's like i take classes purely for the pleasure of procrastination.

never quite as it seems

1. One of my hermit crabs just molted and it is strange. 2. They just pop out of their old crust and eat it. 3. It freaked me out when I first saw its empty carcass. 4. Moby's blog 5. the mirror project 6. write a sentence containing every letter of the alphabet 7. blog layout generator 8. plastic bag dot org article about weblogs. 9. download some mellow music by the jealous girlfriends 10. Today is my catch-up-on-homework day.

"We all dream; we do not understand our dreams, yet we act as if nothing strange goes on in our sleep minds, strange at least by comparison with the logical, purposeful doings of our minds when we are awake." -Erich Fromm

bad moon rising

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. --Woody Allen

notes about nothing

Curb Your Enthusiasm is painfully funny. It's like Seinfeld to the third power. Larry David's character is like George, Jerry and Kramer rolled into one painfully egotistical, infantile maniac. How his wife puts up with him is a mystery. It is really an amazing show. I had never heard about it until recently, when we were watching all those Seinfeld episodes on DVD, we used the Notes About Nothing feature.

no time to wallow in the mire

wanna be in a documentary about bloggers? I don't. but, maybe you would. are you a creationist?

monkey see, monkey do

i should not be up at this hour. this is why being sociable and drinking daquiris is dumb. it makes you come home, pass out, and wake up three hours later in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. this will only snowball into further problematic circumstances, i'm certain. i went back and looked at some pics i'd taken of myself with shorter hair. it's strange to see pictures of myself with different hairstyles. it's a totally different perspective than what i have at the time. y'know? they always cut my hair wrong, anyway, so it's better just to let it grow! since we've been watching Seinfeld obsessively as of late, it seems like i think i'm on the show now. i notice myself making more jokes in the company of others. my little sister does that. she watches Friends so much that she has every episode memorized and she is morphing into phoebe. she, like, uses phoebe's personality in social situations. it's a normal social behavior to copy eachother.

a galaxy of emptiness tonight

usually, i'm not big on socializing. i just generally prefer to be home, relaxing, comfortable.... you know. but, tonight, we went and socialized with some folks. they have a four-week-old baby girl named Marley Rose. i held her for a bit. she was sweet. aww. we had daquiris, and that made me sleepy. i made my famous seven-layer dip. anyway, now i'm pretty pooped-out! and i even have a headache.

why do i bother?

why do i blog? i do not know. just cuz i want to, i guess. it is a repetition compulsion for addictive personalities. humans do what they do. i have no chin. i need a chin implant. but, plastic surgery is not what i want to do for myself. as a general idea, i'm against it. People don't really look that much different after surgery anyway... just less human. besides, if you fix one thing, it just accentuates the other stuff you'll need to fix after that... and everyone ends up looking like michael jackson. as you can see, it can get pretty bad. I don't want to be someone other than who i am. you know, my parents made me and their parents made them. shouldn't i honor who i am? would you want to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself? would an increase in the distance from my chin to my throat really change my life for the better? it's silly. and some people actually request to have renee zellwegger's lips! are they crazy? yes. but it only takes 30 minutes to slip a piece of rubber under the skin on the chin. oh well, i don't have the money anyway. i should just grow a beard to hide it! hee hee!!!!! boxed thoughts is super neato it's like a quilt or a beautifully woven tapestry

bandwidth exceeded

I got this stupid annoying email from photobucket saying something about my bandwitdth being exceeded for the month. This is the first time I've had that happen and I just figured it meant I couldn't add anymore pics. Now, I realize that email was a warning that all my pics would soon be turning into glaringly annoying revelations of my ineptitude. ;-P Today, in my Anth of Religion class, we learned about the Hopi people. They are really into corn. Sometimes, I just don't feel complete unless I've blogged. It's strange. Lucy in the Sky with Shatner

wow! this is great!

listen to some great music by Derek James.