grad day

i think these are our impromtu outfits for the afternoon.
i still have to blowdry my hair.

normal

only like five hours until my graduation.
aaaack!
i don't know what i am going to wear under my gown. does it matter? scott wants to wear sweats.
after my graduation, we are going to try to go to hometown buffet. i hope that we are able to do that. i don't know what other people are going to be doing.
probably not hometown buffet i would guess.
but we will have three tweenagers and a baby with us.
i need to take a shower soon.
this is a lot more hullabaloo than we are used to around this house.
it's a juggling act.

om mani padme hum

the thrift stores around here are overflowing with stuff!
our thrift stores are a thrift store shopper's heaven.
it takes a lot of time and looking, but good deals abound.
and it can be quite addictive, too.
i went today and yesterday. this one place charges way too much, though. $5 for a shirt. uh-uh.
got a great pair of socks to make another sporty pink sock monkey.

the pbf

sting like a bee

I think a good name for a cat would be Tobacco. Then you could call the cat wacky t’backy if you felt like it.

Scott keeps the tv volume on mute when alex trebec is having his chat session with the contestants. That is so anti-human, don’t you think? No. it’s just anti smalltalk.

That “it’s not alex trebec” pictures were funny today on jeopardy.

Jeopardy is so dorky. But I like it. alex trebec is omniscient. It doesn’t make any sense to phrase the answer in the form of a question. Cuz nobody would say something like, “in his prime this athlete said, ‘it’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am” and you’re supposed to say, “Who is Muhammed Ali?” but if someone walked up to you and asked “who is muhammed ali” that wouldn’t be your answer to say “in his prime this athlete said, “blah blah blah…”

Trippy, huh?

Scott has been trying to quit smoking by switching to chew so he doesn’t smell like cigarettes all the time. He is always carrying around some kind of bottle to use as a spittoon. So, it looks kind of like he’s drinking something all the time. The other day it was a Guinness bottle and I kept thinking he was drinking beer, but he wasn’t. right now he is using my empty kefir bottle.

tomorrow

i had a tuna sandwich for lunch.

i have a horrible memory.

i've been watching match point, but it's taking a while due to interruptions...
i like the opera music and the location/sets. the main actor dude seems good at acting like a sleaze. so good that i don't see how the other characters can't see right through his thin facade. i think it's like in that movie Alfie where people are just so superficial or incapable of seeing past their own projections.

owl eyes are awesome

look at all these FANTASTIC owl shots that marybeth has been taking! owls are so trippy and cool.
marybeth a.k.a. "mb" recently experienced a tragic loss. the owls must have been sent to watch over her. :-) send positive energy to her and her family.

a void

is it disgusting to drink a cup of coffee that has been sitting out for 24 hours? cuz i am going to. the microwave will kill any bacteria, right? it still tastes fine. i don't want to have to make up a whole new cup and waste this perfectly available cup. coffee's pretty pungent, anyway...

there is this dog that lives in the yard on the other side of our fence. these people have a huge yard, but they keep the dog encaged in a smallish chain-link enclosure. the dog howls a lot. it makes me feel like i live in some sherlock holmems story. hounds of the baskervilles. it wails and howls and after hearing it so frequently over the past year that i've lived here, i can kind of tune it out. whenever i notice it, i think to myself, "hounds of hell." all you can do is pity the dog. people have called the aspca or whatever and i guess there is nothing anybody can do. i wish i could take it for a walk. stupid dog-abusing neighbors. why even have the dog? sheesh. they never interact with it except to tell it to shut up. come ON!

this morning my other neighbor was leaving for work and he shouted to the dog, "Thor! Nein!" the dog speaks german?

i'm scared to go to my graduation! it makes me nervous.

oprah seemed like she loved 'double V' .... (vince vaughn)

i haven't eaten enough food today.
lots of kefir
and a yogurt parfait.
it seems like there's not enough time to deal with that, but i know that it is important for me to eat since i'm breastfeeding.
i also should be taking vitamins.

i like new clothes

today i got to go shopping.
it was fun. i took sophie with me... that made it hard; but, i think i'm getting a good upper body workout carrying her around all the time.
actually, i had her in the carrier yesterday and i was dancing around and exercising.
so i got a few things that actually fit me. real clothes. not maternity. :-)

there is a lot of crying on daytime t.v.

you love ryan seacrest

if nobody reads your blog, it doesn't matter. you're probably better off. or at least better off maybe not knowing. a blogger has to blog whether anyone else really reads it or doesn't.

in people like me, anyway, the blog is a reflection of my self-concept.
i do wish that synchronicity would work so that the right people will read my blog because like thoughts attract like thoughts.
american idol is on now. i'm not really all that interested in it anymore, but i still kind of wouldn't mind seeing what happens.

"uncle"

OMG! vince vaughn is on oprah tomorrow!

i got some kefir and ate/drank some today.
it's like yogurt but sourerer and it has more live and active cultures.

also we rented stay, match point and grandma's boy.

press here

it’s been a long time since i owned an ironing board. usually, i just spread out a towel on the bed or on the floor and iron on top of that. i have to iron my graduation gown. it’s all folded up in its package. the other day i totally cleaned up all the junk from my side of the bed and there is already stuff starting to accumulate there again. it’s bad feng shui. that’s the real culprit.

she earned her keep

today i went to the bookstore to buy my cap & gown. i took the baby in the carrier. i was highly tempted to walk out with my cap & gown without paying, but i decided that would be really gaytardid because i'd get kicked out and not be allowed to graduate. but the people at the bookstore didn't know what they were doing. i so easily could have just walked right out. i took that opportunity to do the right thing.

i feel like making another felt creature... maybe a star, but not necessarily a starfish. sophie really loves staring at them.

gaytarded

gaytarded is a new word which was inspired by bikey the cat because that is what he is.

i'm very immature in a lot of ways.

i'm supposed to be old.

i'm supposed to go buy my cap and gown this week. i should have done it already by now, but i have procrastination issues.
there're a lot of things i should do, per se.
a lot

i remember when i used to think "a lot" was one word. it almost should be.

on solitude

Time to yourself is important. Sheltered away from the activities of the world. Scott and I are both solitary types. Each of us enjoys a lot of time alone just to think and to be. So that works out well.

Blogging is a type of thinking. It is a mode of thought. To blog.

so human, he's us

i'm afraid to even talk about scientology or tom cruise.

Gummy bears are frickin’ good. Eat one and then you can’t stop eating them until someone takes them away! I’m trying to eat healthier. I finally got all the ingredients to make that fruit salad, so I’m gonna do that soon. But, Scott bought me some ice cream having forgotten that I told him that I want to eat healthier. So now I have to eat that ice cream. He says I should practice moderation. I figure, if I’m going to eventually eat the entire half gallon of ice cream, then it will all be consumed by me so it doesn’t matter if I eat it all in two days or in seven. Well, that probably isn’t actually true. I’d rather just not have the ice cream in the house because then I don’t have the option/temptation. Either way…. Now I have to eat that ice cream. I will enjoy it, that isn’t the problem. The thing I don’t enjoy is having excess body fat

this isn't angsty to me. it's just the way my mind works.

full mommy mode

certain foods are indulgences or luxuries and not something that can be sustainable as daily fare.

I have had alcohol three days in a row this week. One glass each day. That really isn’t a problem, but some people could see it becoming one. I am aware that I should only have two glasses a week. That is what it is going to be… and the bottle of wine I got at the store today is for a special occasion: next Saturday… my graduation.

It only makes me sleepy anyways.

Lawnmowers are way too loud
I’m trying to take a nap
Well the baby is.

i can't help myself

I am still recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. It’s been almost sixty days. I should be pretty well healed. I know it takes a year…. But still.

I hate this automatic capitalization and spellcheck crap. Urg.
It is so GAY.

Ow. I just had my foot up on the table for too long and when I took it down my foot was all hurting and stiff and ouch.



I think that I should try and write more about stuff without using the word “I”


I hate that word. I do!

Self-referential pronoun.

what's the frequency?

so I started thinking about my dad just now that time we went to see the dalai lama and my dad was living in that pool house with no hot water and everyone got those leaf things to put under their pillows and we were supposed to sleep with that and see what kind of dreams we had.

I remember that dream I had about all the dead monks lined up along a path in a park and they were all covered in a clear, opaque plastic tarp.
Oh and have I ever blogged about that pink bubble jesus?

Pink bubble Jesus
A dream
One of my most momentous dream memories is a dream in which I dreamed that I was in my room in bed and there was a bubble in my room and the bubble grew and it was pink and it continued to grow until it was the size of my room. Jesus was inside the bubble. And then the bubble floated out sort of bouncing out of my room and in the hallway the bubble POPPED! With Jesus inside! It was horrifying to me. Gave me the worst feeling. I think I was in sixth grade when I had that dream.

haiku you

Sleepy, I stumble.
Can I sleep one more minute?
A cup of coffee

i think in a recent hypnogogic state of slumber i dreamed that i said to myself "i'm not going to blog anymore" or something like that.
what's up with the bags under vince vaughn's eyes?
does he like it like that?

dijon mustard

The height of class and sophistication… is it not?
AND with sharp cheddar, even.
I love sharp cheddar.
PLUS
I AM that seventies show.

hmmmm

i would really like a glass of wine.
i wish i had some.
but i don't.
to what extent would i go to get a glass of wine?
we have none.
someone would have to go get it.
let's see... i'll get out my trusty walkie-talkie (yes. a real walkie talkie, folks) and call my boyfriend who is in the garage. he spends a lot of time in the garage cuz he loves garages.
but anyway, it is friday night. so i think that counts for something. also, my graduation is coming up and i should celebrate and besides i am not going to drink a bottle just a glass. cuz i have a baby and even though she is asleep i need to be on the ball 24/7 for the next five years minimum... so.
i'm having a glass of wine tonight.
more later.

mu

sometimes it is hard to feel your feelings. my feelings. it is hard for one to feel ones own feelings. sometimes we have difficulty feeling our own feelings.


standing like a stick in the mud and refusing to feel leads to panic.

now what?

action becomes infused with a feeling of need.

i don't want to feel this. what can i do to avoid it? can i run away? can i refuse to look at it? is it still there? yes.

what is it?

and who is running away?

just ignore me

doctor phil is almost on.
i haven't been watching TV today, though.

i'm supposed to go get my cap and gown on monday.
someone should get me a dvd of jesus christ superstar for my birthday.
that way i could pop it in whenever i felt like it.
and see black disco judas and skinny white disco jesus and cool disco mary magdalene and stuff.
i should know all the words by heart. and i don't. that isn't right.

pretty kisses

a gallery of walls with stuff written on

what if everything could always be like i really want it to be?
would i even know what i wanted?
what if what you want isn't always what you need?
today scott went to mcdonald's and he got me a yogurt parfait and he's never done that before, i don't think... and i didn't even ask and it's not something i usually get so i think that is especially sweet. i like it when he thinks of me and gets me stuff. i bet most people like that sort of thing.

wave 'em like you just don't care

i loves these
Airtoons

bzzzz bzzz bzz

i don't like talking on the phone and i don't like when the phone rings so i usually have the ringer off.
someday we will have more integration with computers... we will really be able to multi-task then!
blog blog blog blog blog

i read somewhere that drinking a dark beer such as guinness is good for the milk supply.

people in ireland do that.
wouldn't it be cool if BLOGGER got up off their butts and took care of their freaking web site???????

absolutely, oprah

if everyone would just listen to dr phil + oprah.... they have all the answers. take it from me. i am typing with one hand while breastfeeding... now that's multitasking.

you fight like a girl

cereal is good and fun to eat.
easy to prepare.
today we watched big daddy with adam sandler and it is really funny.
lamb and tunafish?
okay well that was a long time ago.
i don't care about it anymore.
i have all the ingredients to make my special non-fattening fruit salad except it calls for cottage cheese and i haven't been to a store that has that, lately. luckily, i have a banana milkshake in the freezer. well, luckily in the sense that i will enjoy eating it.

really mundane crap

well, the reason i wasn't able to use my internet was that when i restarted my computer, firefox was supposed to install updates and i clicked "cancel" so firefox is what's not working. so now i am banished to IE until i get up the gumption to fix this sitchyation.

additionally, i have discovered that both computers are having trouble with linebreak coding in blogger... if that makes any sense whatsoever. i know i never used to have this problem.
i wish i had personal assistants. people who could be there solely to get me stuff and do stuff for me. that would be rad.

kurt

nirvana
lake of fire

who knows

well, i'm probably going to end up looking like ronald mcdonald or something for a few days. all splotchy-headed, probably, too. my hair is very thick/coarse and i could probably stand to use two bottles of color, but that's a pain.
oh well, screw it.
american idol is losing its charm at this point.
why does it get less suspensful as the season goes forward?

burst

i am happy that... oh speaking of happy, i think i forgot to take my pills today. i do that a lot. it's very counter-productive. anyway, i am happy that i got some colorpulse in red burst and tonight after sophie goes to bed, i will color my hair. i don't know if i've used this red of one before. i might have. not sure. but it's temporary so it's just for fun and supposedly doesn't damage the hair... but i think i need to get my hair trimmed because otherwise it will get too many split ends, of which i already have a few.

bloo blop

i'm excited because my graduation is on the thirteenth of this month and my mom and everyone is coming up to be here for it. i was afraid that wasn't going to happen, but then it did... mostly thanks to our therapist/counselor who put me on the spot to take action in this situation. he handed me his cell phone and said, "call right now" and that is what got the ball rolling. and that is the weekend of mother's day also. it's gonna be fun and nice and cool and good. oh now i am missing sylvia browne on montel because my laptop won't get the internet for some reason right now and i have to be on the other computer which is in a different room from the television. g-zay.

long toes

today i feel skinny and i found a skirt in my closet that is comfy. i've been wanting to paint my toenails... maybe i'll do that in a minute. my mom told me about a good fruit salad thing to make and eat instead of ice cream. i need to do that. ice cream is so good, but there are healthier alternatives that will be just as good with a little effort. i've been taking prozac and i just went from 30 mg to 40 mg/day. i think it helps. it seems like i feel better. plus just getting into more of a routine helps

gosh!

i really need to clean up my side of the bed. there is so much CRAP over there! it is pathetic. i guess the cat is also sleeping on said pile of basically clothes. i think the problem is that i have too much stuff and not enough convenient storage.
scott just dropped the milk container but it sounded like he THREW it as hard as he could onto the floor! he is So NOIsY!

i am me

now we don't have cable anymore, just antennae because we don't really have time to watch tv. well, that's not accurate, because i do watch tv all the time, but i don't really WATCH it in the sense that i am constantly interrupted so i can't really care too much about whatever i'm watching, but it is just something to zone out to or count the hours or distract myself occasionally.
i will be 33 in June.
the past is a memory.
the future is a dream.
this moment is all there is.
here now.

i wonder if people, when they are blogging, are thinking of anyone in particular to whom they might be writing. i don't do that. but, maybe it would be more effective to really pretend like i'm writing an email to someone. right now, i'm not really sure who i'm talking to.

toothpaste for dinner

toothpaste for dinner

daytime drama

i've been wishing i could procure new (or used, either way, but at least new to me) clothes because i wish i could go shopping, but i can't really. right now i don't have a lot of stuff that a) fits me right b) is comfortable c) works for breastfeeding and besides that, i actually do have a ton of clothes but i don't want to go through them all and some of them are packed away in boxes in the garage. so it's like i wear the same thing all the time. it seems like tank tops are what i like most.

refrigerator

minutes can seem like hours maybe
hours feel like accomplishments
and then, an hour will feel like five minutes.
it's just funny how time can expand and contract.
like waves.
i think my goal for today is to watch shopgirl because scott was thoughtful enough to have rented that for me without my even having to ask.

flock of woodpeckers

is there such a thing as a flock of woodpeckers? it sounds funny. i was standing outside and i heard a woodpecker and i saw it pecking a telephone pole.

the seaweed is always greener

my two cents

i think that comment moderation messes up the flow man! it cuts off spontenaeity and people's ability to have a conversation. that is one of the interestinng things about comments. so, consider not having it. you could still have comments emailed to you if you wanted and delete them relatively quickly if need be.

stream

dude, the chick on oprah today was crazy. no she was this chick who knows everything about fashion apparently. (i use the word apparently a lot)i dunno... she has a book. that's really specific, isn't it? well, if you really care you can go to oprah dot com but if i really cared then i would provide the link but if i don't care then why am i even writing this in the first place? isn't that irresponsible of me? maybe having a personal blog is irresponsible? is it really art?

today at the wic office, because i am irresponsible.... that's why i go there. anyway, i felt like i wanted to talk to the lady about personal stuff maybe because i feel so isolated and really i am. i don't have a lot of interaction with other humans besides sophie and scott. i sort of don't want to, but then i do.

kaput

there was some sort of skirmish that went on between the cats and i sprung to my feet to investigate. i narrowly missed the scene. can't figure out what happened, but whatever i had originally intended to blog about is pretty much kaput.