happy thanksgiving

i'm addicted to the internet

yesterday we went to the taco trucks, it's this place in a really poor part of town where people are constantly panhandling... like we were hit up probably 12 times while we were there and we didn't even eat there, we just got our food and left because we got into an argument over the panhandlers. it doesn't bother me at all that they ask for money, except it makes me feel guilty and then i am a sucker and i give them change if i have it. pretty gullible of me, i know. anyway, this one baglady came up and asked scott for money and he was like, "no" and then i piped up with a "yes" and gave her like 60 cents and scott felt like i had made a fool out of him and he got all snarly with me and then i was offended and called him a greedy bastard among other things and it was a terrible scene and even as we were getting in the car to leave people would still ask us for money and they DO ask the other person even if one person says no. anyway, after i had calmed down, i realized that i was being extremely childish as is often the case.

i like to think that i am being generous and helping the least of my brethren... but maybe it isn't helping them at all. i don't know. maybe it's superstitious of me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

riding horses

today i went horsebackriding and it was a nice cold day and it was fun but the horse should go faster without it hurting my buttbones.

it's hard to keep a steady hand

the background is a pattern from a jeremy scott dress from his food fight collection. awesome stuff!
but, yeah, i had to take like 10 pics of that button before one came out clear like that.

what i made for dinner

i am not afraid to try new recipes.
that is what i usually do.
i think it is fun to make things i've never made before and see how they turn out.
i call them my experimental dishes.
who knows, i might come across something that could become a new 'old standby'?
anyways, tonight i made lamb curry with apples and couscous. it was really good. and easy. i will make it again.

i am NOT switching this blog to the beta until they force me

i used to have all the strawberry shortcake dolls and paraphanelia back in the day. i love the originals. the new ones are not as good. i don't HATe them, but i want the old ones for nostalgia purposes.

i know i was going to say something important! oh YEAH, i had interesting dreams last night. this has been going on for about a w3ek or so. last night it was some sort of contest where you got to spend a certain amount of time collecting all the items you wanted at some sort of shopping extravaganza festival and if you made it back to the "place" on time you got to keep all the stuff. so the hard part about it was deciding rather quickly what your priorities are. i started trying to think of things i could get for christmas presents. a lot of scarves. but it was fun. i love when i have shopping dreams.

owl painting

i like david bowie as an actor

we saw the prestige and it was good. i especially liked that david bowie was in it. i also like cockney accents. also i like michael caine a lot.

wanna see?

this is a screenshot of my trendmill gallery.
it's the stuff i have made.

invitation

not sleeping

drinking too much wine is stupid. i basically drank a whole bottle last night and that was not necessary. i thought that i was 'treating myself'. yeah... treating myself to feeling stupid! i didn't get sick; no. it's just dumb. what's the point? it isn't good for your body, just like any overindulgence.

at 2AM there was a loud bang that came from the woodburning stove, probably just from it getting too hot or something. it sounded like someone slamming a door really loud. i lie awake for about a half-hour trying to figure out what that noise was until it happened again just now. so now, i'm awake and there's a rumbly in my tumbly.

country mouse

tonight we are going to go see The Prestige. the movie theater here HARDLY EVER has decent movies to watch. otherwise i'd have gone to see quite a few flicks, but they never came here. it's cuz all that lives around here are a bunch of backward redneck hillbillies. okay, i'm not sure how accurate that statement is... but let it suffice to say this is not a haven of social sophistication... which isn't necessarily all bad because i really am not attracted to the idea of living in big cities... but small towns also have their drawbacks.

necrotic feet

i liked how on america's next top model last night they let the girls just go OFF with their craziness & anger. Scott was like, "SHUT UP!" but i was like, "Yeah! tell it like it is!" a little scary, tho, cuz what if the judges use it against you, like, that girl is CRAZY!"

the twins seem the most real & normal to me. also, i feel like i've seen them before. it seems like they can get away with anything. i REALLY wish Tyra wouldn't always have to say "6 girls stand before me... blah blah blah... The next name i am going to call is...." she is SO annoying. SHUT UP tyra! you are so boring.
also, there was a Top Chef marathon on bravo which was totally fun! i like michael the best maybe because he is from stockton and i lived there once. i don't know. he's just not as pretentious as some of the people. i tend to root for underdogs.

why does Marcel have to look like a wolverine?

i still need to wash my hair. today i am going to get some new canvasses and i already know what i am going to paint.

can't even crack a smile?

whenever i go to the grocery store here in town, there is this one lady who works there who just can't bring herself to be in any way friendly to me at all. it is very annoying. and she always looks me over like she is thinking something about my clothes but who knows what. i know she recognizes me just from helping me quite a few times so what is her stinkin' problem? i feel like she is judging me.

in other news, i need to wash my hair.

artsy fartsy

my trendmill account wherein i will attempt to sell the stuff i make/art and become FILTHY STINKING RICH!

**i guess you have to be a member to see my stuff so here: why don't you join?

only on rare occasions

even tho i napped for a total of 4 hrs yesterday, i still slept all night and i slept well, to boot.
i know it is fattening but we are having biscuits and gravy for breakfast and i don't care.
now i'm going to have some coffee....

last night there were no real-life murder mysteries on TV! i thought those were always on at least ONE channel! so i watched Roseanne Barr on Larry King.

someone is 6 bucks richer and it ain't me

i wanted to go check the mail and buy some pepsi so i got $6 out of scott's wallet and put it in my pocket, walked to the post office and to the store. when i got to the checkout i couldn't find my money! it was GONE! i was SO MAD! it just disappeared and so now i guess someone else found it because i retraced my steps and it was nowhere to be found! ARGH! took me like a half hour to get over that crap!

it's been snowing

there is a tendency for me to lean toward negative thoughts.
i'm no pollyanna.
but i try to suppress my negative thoughts
which causes me to build up tension
because i am always trying to "be good"
and not get in trouble.
i'm too afraid that i will embarrass myself
or that people won't like me.
or they'll get mad at me.

and they say that people will like you the most if you let them talk about themselves all the time. that's when they will think you are the most clever, interesting person... right? but, you can't just sit there like a lump. you have to mirror themselves back to them?

it seems like i can really never fully grasp the concept of social behavior.

no need to suppress your appetite

i slept a lot today. i had a feeling of whiplash, which may have contributed to my sleepiness?
guacamole flavored tortilla chips dipped in plain yogurt is a great snack! it's sorta healty, i think.

who the hell is janell?

we watched hard candy and everything the critics say about it is true. good and bad. so much of the story makes absolutely no sense, but the acting is great, the movie is gripping and the premise is good. i give it a thumb up and scott gives it a thumb down.

when i took that picture it wasn't meant to be pervy! but it suits the subject of the post, i guess. it's just a doll.

i lost my screws

it is snowing today and we needed some more kindling so scott was gonna go split some up and i got jealous that he was gonna go have more fun than me so i wanted to try it instead. i went outside and decided to jump on a piece of wood to try and break it but my boots and the wood were slippery and so i went flying and landed with all of my weight right on my heart. ugh. and i peed my pants. so i wasn't jealous of his job anymore. that sucked.

disney moose

We were driving home and there is this hiway or whatever on the way to our house and apparently it is some sort of post-halloween tradition to put your jack-o’lantern along this hiway and so it was really cool cuz there are all these Halloween pumpkins greeting you along the side of the road …but who knows? Maybe they were actually put there by Bigfoot and his familia?

funniest video ever and i made it. (00:14)

accentuate the positive

we were going to go bowling at the bowling alley in chester, a town which is 13 miles from here... but when we got in there i didn't want to bowl because it was really small with what seemed to be short lanes and it had no character at all. so we left.

then we went to the thrift store in chester and it was too crowded and all the clothes are jammed together on the racks and the aisles are too small and i started to get all static-clingy like my hair was full of it and i just wanted to get the heck out of there, plus their dressing room mirror made me look like two ton tessie. DUMB!

here is one positive thing i will say: i love the smell of thymes eucalyptus, so you can buy me that if you want.

ewe's fluffy

i keep forgetting that i am fat and then when i realize it again it makes me SO mad! it surprises me everytime. people might say, "you're not fat" but they are wrong. i am overweight according to the medical charts. it disgusts me. i lost a long-time loyal reader a while back because i said being fat is disgusting. SORRY but that is how i feel for myself. if YOU want to believe that it is beautiful, don't let me stop you. i wish all of society felt that way and then i wouldn't have to be so stressed out about it.

write it down

a lot of times i am rather un-graceful. this is due to the fact that i am frequently second-guessing myself. cool, huh?

i'm watching the hot chick. it is funny. that girl always looks different. like she got veneers and then she got lip implants. i want to do those things, too.
i think rob schneider is kind of attractive in a really dorky sort of way.

today we went to chico because we had cabin fever and felt like we just HAD to go SOMEwhere. i have never really visited chico except once when i ate at taco bell there. we went to the salvation army store and it is DA BOMB! wow! i must remember that place and go back when i want to drop some serious cash cuz they have EVERYTHING and more. like a dream come true.
i always feel like a criminal, tho, when i am taking pictures inside of stores. but i can get away with almost anything if i have the baby with me cuz she is so adorable it distracts everyone. lucky me.

there was some STUPID lady just dragging away on a cigarette at the gas station today. i hope she EXPLODES!

you don't know what you're talking about

opinions that people express reflect ONLY things about THEMSELVES!
nobody knows jack about anybody else.
and nobody knows jack about themselves, either.

i don't remember MOST of what has happened in my OWN LIFE!
so it seems almost as though it wasn't even myself that lived it.
was it even me? not anymore.

in the white room

a while back i found a cassette for $1 at grocery outlet that i thought sounded funny. our car only plays cassettes, no CDs no radio... and most of our cassettes don't work, so i bought this one. it really is funny. it's called Soft, Safe & Sanitized
it's hilarious because it's covers of songs by people like john lennon & the doors except they sound like lounge acts or church choruses and that juxtaposition is just so bad it's funny.

did i mention it was funny???

cigarette smoke

there are sore muscles in very odd places on my leg because we went hiking today at robert's creek and there were lots of logs and big rocks to walk over and i was wearing my cowboy boots. this was after i threw a big hissy fit about being too fat to fit into any of my clothes and what am i supposed to wear? and scott's like WHATEVER, let's go buy you some new clothes! but that isn't going to solve my real problem which is that i need to work out from 9-10 AM everyday and just shut the hell UP! so finally i resigned myself to wearing one of the only outfits that i feel mildly attractive in, still even tho i wore the same outfit not too long ago and i hate doing that. outfits need to be varied and spaced out the right way! but maybe i am spoiled and should just find a favorite outfit and stick to it?

change is afoot.

i turned in my application at the pizza place today. i don't know if i really want to work there for sure, but i guess we will see. i think of it as just something to do outside of the house to bring in a little extra spending money. i don't look at it as my next big career move!

tomorrow i am going to the in-home support services orientation, too.

like, maybe you are a floozy?

to all the critics who didn't like nacho libre:
too bad you are so lame that you can't tell a funny movie when it bodyslams you!
that movie ruled! it was cute and funny and we laughed out loud repeatedly. i thought jack black was quite endearing in it. i'm quite glad that i rented it. film critics are dumb.

last night i had the strangest dream...

i did have interesting and complicated dreams last night, and i think they were colored by my having watched that show on TV called The War at Home, which i did find funny but it also didn't make complete sense. the 17 yr-old daughter (who is played by a 20-yr old and is not a believeable teenager in any way) was dating a 33-yr old (yeah, right) and when she told him she doesn't go all the way he was like, okay i will see you in two or three years... ok... so, it would have been ok to commit statutory rape if she'd have been complicit? but now he wants to wait. and also, who says "he overdosed on DRUGS"?? wouldn't you just say he OD'd or say what KIND of drugs? yes.

anyway, i dreamed that some 17-yr old guy that i (being 33) had JUST MET was telling me that he was IN LOVE with me and i was like, "No you're not, i am 33! and you don't even know me!" and there was other stuff going on involving elevators and an airport that had big oceanliners instead of airplanes. i guess that would be a ship port. i could not find where i had locked up my bike.

anyway, why is it that on television they always get people in their 20's to play teenagers? isn't that retarded? i mean, they have KIDS play kids, but adults play teens? that gives teens a really skewed view of what a teen should be like.

i've heard about you before

here is something that is really good to eat and very simple to make: tortilla pizzas. you just put some spaghetti sauce, cheese and pepperoni on a tortilla and cook it in the oven for a few minutes til it is all bubbly and voila! bon appetit!
i only ate one piece, tho, cuz it is TOO fattening. i made it for scott cuz he hates healthy junk.

clumsy

i drop my camera a lot. yesterday was the hardest drop of them all... the camera got all bent out of shape and really messed up. you can shake it and hear everything inside is loose. but it STILL works, amazingly enough. so i should tell you that the KODAK easyshare CX7330 takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.

p.s. that painting still isn't finished.

life is rough. did i already say that?

i feel really sad right now.
abba-chiqitita (5:25)

a strange kind of love

another one from high school this one is beautiful.
a strange kind of love by peter murphy (4:09)

dorky people are cool and a pain

nobody (scott & my mom) understands my need to have lots of clothes strewn about in piles all over the house! it makes me feel so alienated. i need a friend or two who can defend my lifestyle. my clothes are closely associated with my identity and having them be messy is a part of that! i thought that i was cool. i thought messy people were cool. but i guess i was wrong?

i went to college

i am making sunday dinner pork roast with mushroom gravy, but i kept realizing i didn't have all the ingredients that i needed and scott made two trips to the store for me and i also made two trips. i still need mushrooms and green onions, though, so scott is now mad at me. WHATEVER! SORRY!

talking to myself

we have one cat that we 'rescued' from our old house where it lived as an alley cat.
(we have a total of 3 cats)
they all seem to be afraid of me, although i have never laid a finger on any of them. they are just skittish.
i don't abuse them
i don't throw shit at them
only rarely yell at them
yes, sometimes i bitch at them
but it is REALLY annoying the way Teddy skirts around me all the time
acting afraid like i am going to kick him or something
whatever. it is probably just because he was not originally a housecat... not really "owned" before
so he is kind of wild
i guess reese's (my cat) is sort of the same way, but not as bad.
she doesn't like to be petted.
not by me, anyway.
but she will pet herself with my hand... that's okay.
she is cute tho the way she guards over sophie (my baby)
she seems to be very concerned about her and it is almost as though she has taken ownership
funny.

im a rocket scientist

i can't figure out remote controls
they continue to foil me on a daily basis. similarly i have a lot of trouble turning on the correct stove burners... frnt/back i usually turn on the wrong one.

NSFW?

it's a blustery day.
i need to do a ton of stuff around the house.
i went to the thrift store and there was basically NOTHING that i wanted.
maybe a couple of things that i COULD get but nothing i really wanted.
so i went to the grocery store and bought produce.

at 11 AM the guy across the street knocked on our door to pay for the welder he bought from us; and, he said to me "did you just wake up?" and i answered, "no" and then as soon as i shut the door i walked into the bathroom to see why the heck he assumed i just woke up? was my hair a wreck? my clothes? well, i had no makeup on and i had orange stuff around my lips because i'd been eating some chilimac. maybe he thought that cuz it was so dark in our house. it's not like he is mr GQ in any way.

leopard print anything

i'm tired and i just feel worn out/exhausted and i am going to go to bed and just read and relax and rest.

good night.
p.s. i also got that purse today and i like it.

social creatures

i got this coin purse, mostly just for sophie to play with (supervised, cuz i know it isn't a baby toy) and also this hat, scarf, sweater and skirt. and MORE! isn't it exciting?
i filled out an application today to work at the pizza parlor down the street. i haven't turned it in, yet.
i made a home-made chili macaroni goulash for dinner.

what else?
i guess i will go work on my painting now.

can she make a cherry pie?

today i got a sunbeam food processor at the thrift store for like 10 cents and i don't know if it works yet, but i think it does and so now i will be ultra cool like the people on food network. i don't like it how they always have to take a bite of the food in front of the camera.... like we won't know how good it is otherwise. i like how i don't like it. i like not liking things.

i made that pie today. haven't tasted it yet, tho. but i love berry pie. got it at grocery outlet.

also, i got other fun stuff today at the thrift shop.