on solitude

"[The] group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a man," John Steinbeck, East of Eden.

make a mini-you

See my "mini-me" on the sidebar? You can make one, too!

orange crush

Article with Photo Well-written article.

Alan Watts

I didn't know there was such a song as this one.

two omens

Fair or fowl? First; this morning, as I started to drift out of deep sleep, I had a dream of being visited in my bed by a large bird of prey. It was either a hawk or a small brown eagle. I awoke and drowsily moved the bird with my hand so I could go back to sleep. The impactful thing about the dream was that it seemed hyper-real. Also, that I felt familiar with the bird and was not afraid that it would bite me. I feel as though it was a totem animal or a spirit animal which came to me with a message of empowerment. Sencondly, as I was walking to school I walked by a cute little house with a yard filled with flowers and a little girl with blonde hair. In her adorable little white dress, she looked just like Alice flitting about in Wonderland and I told her as much. It was an uplifting moment.

Pith

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby

my enneagram type is 4w5

free enneagram test

Bring in the Clowns

I went with my roommate 'Tofu' to a really fun theatrical performance by a local theatre troupe called Dell'Arte. It was an outdoor, evening performance and I really enjoyed myself.

stream of consciousness

I have begun my class in Beginning Painting and finished my first painting. Actually, it could probably use more work, but it is technically finished. It is an exercise in values (tone/shading). I used Burnt Sienna and Titanium White. I'm proud of it. It's very satisfying to go to that class. The time just flies by and I become completely absorbed in what I'm doing. My other class, on the other hand, is weight training. I don't really like to go to that because I feel like it's so unfamiliar and it feels like I'm going to a gym. I'm not used to it. I can either lift weights or go swimming. I feel a little bit afraid to even walk into the weightroom. It just feels like I don't belong there. However, I brought my gym clothes today in the hopes that I will force myself to go. It's so strange to me how I have certain hurdles to jump that feel like huge mountains to me, and then other things are just perfectly enjoyable and fine for me. I guess the best thing is to push myself to do the things that don't come as easily? Right now, I'm hungry and crave bacon, eggs and cheese.

T-Squared's art

Okay, I have the pictures of T^2's art, now. They are on my 'moblog' which you can access by clicking on the thumbnails in my sidebar. He is a local artist here in Arcata... considered an "outsider" artist because he has had no artistic training and is homeless; i.e., not a member of the "art community." His medium is found objects. Mostly lids from bottles, pieces of screen and blocks of wood. I have spoken with him and I see him around town a lot, as do many of the people I know. He really seems like a true artist to me. I get that vibe from him.

i am a rock

I was listening to this song this morning and thought to myself: hmmmm.... When did this start to apply to me?

surprise!

This morning I woke up to find one of these in my coffee cup! Needless to say, I was rather startled and let out a shriek! But, it was a cute little frog after all.

and now...

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.

a fun time was had by all

My son, his grandma and I went to the Art Deco exhibit at the Legion of Honor Museum in San Francisco. We also went to the San Francisco Zoo, which was fun. The coolest thing for me was being able to experience first-hand the things I've been studying in my summer classes. I was absolutely amazed at the art deco exhibit! It was wonderful. I also enjoyed seeing the lemurs and chimpanzees at the zoo. It was like a field trip!

atticus

Kirsten Dunst was on Ellen Degeneres' show and she said that she named her dog Atticus. I tried to find a reference to it on her website but was unsuccessful!

There's no such thing as 'race'

A lot of times people ask me if I am Irish because I have red hair and fair skin. Whatever. So the assumption is that all Irish people have red hair and fair skin? It's tough to wrap our minds around the idea that there is no scientific way to say that there are different races of humans. It's a myth-- a folk-tale. It's hard to understand because it has been so ingrained in our minds that you can tell where someone comes from by the color of their skin, the type of hair they have or any other aspect of their physical appearance. It is not biologically, scientifically possible to tell someone's race. It isn't real. I have heard people say that someone has Irish hands. Or, what about being hot-tempered as an Irish trait? Or Asians are conservative intellectuals. You know? It is a social construct. My maternal great-grandmother was from the Azores. My paternal grandmother's family came from England. However: humans have been 'inter-breeding' for millenia. Just because they came from a particular location doesn't mean that their 'ancestry' was 'pure'. Life is so confusing, I swear! We love to put labels on things. We love 'final answers', but I'm here to tell ya: there are none. Also: my weblog is meant to be a free-for-all journal of my thoughts. I can't put too much pressure on myself to make it perfect! K? So if it's not "HOT" that's just TOO BAD! I do the best I can. This is just me letting of steam in a variety of ways.

Stepford Wives

I saw The Stepford Wives last night and I thought it was great! Terrific cast. How can you go wrong with Christopher Walken? It was great to see Matthew Broderick in something. He doesn't seem much at all like Ferris Bueller anymore-- except that he'll always seem like a little boy you want to take care of. Nicole Kidman was very good. Her facial expressions perfectly conveyed the character's emotions! It was amazing to me. It was a funny movie.

Art

Sometimes, I think I am an artist. I have some artistic talent, I think. This class I am taking though, in 20th Century Art, makes me feel like I could never be an artist. Sometimes I think it is all very interesting and then other times I just think it's totally crazy and pointless! I get it; but, I don't get it. One thing I can say for sure is that I am confused.

instant insanity

Last night I had a now-rare burst of temper! I was so angry at my cat! It seems hilariously absurd in the light of day. The reason I was mad at her is complex, but not at all her fault! I think, in part, it has to do with the fact that I hardly ever allow myself to express anger anymore. I've become afraid of my own anger because it has led me to trouble in the past. Of course, this segues into the fact that I am probably mildly depressed as a result of such repression-- but that's a different story. Anyway... the long story is that I never wanted the cat in the first place. My son brought her home one day and I told him we couldn't keep her. We left her outside, but the following morning she was still around so I caved! Of course, I ended up being the one who takes care of her, and she has been something of a financial burden. I've spent hundreds of dollars on her in the past five months just getting her spayed and having her immunizations and some other small things. Vets are spendy! So, anyway... I haven't wanted her to be in my room at my new place, because I thought she could just be an outside cat. However, she recently had some kind of allergic reaction to something and I felt really guilty about having left her outside so much; so I've been letting her sleep in my room at night. At first, she was not used to it so she would just curl right up and go to sleep until morning. Now that she has become accustomed to this however, she's been wandering around in my room and getting all feisty. This leaves me feeling unsettled because I am not keeping a litter box in my bedroom and I'm worried that she will pee under my bed. So, we got into a power struggle last night. I could swear that she knew that I wanted her to stay put and so she obstinately refused to do so just on principle. If I'd've been smarter about it, I'd've just taken her outside and said 'To heck with it.' Only because of the guilt I feel, I kept insanely trying to force her to stay put on my bed and she was having none of it! I was totally enraged. This is one of my longest entries ever because it bothers me so much that I was so immature about it. I think that there is more to it than just the surface circumstance. It has something to do with my being unwilling to be an adult? Unwilling to work from my 'adult mindset'. I age-regressed to a time I recall with a different cat that I had. I used to try and force her to look into my eyes, which she absolutely hated. It was truly sadistic of me. I have never actually hurt an animal; I would feel way too horrible to do something like that. I don't even like to kill spiders, ants or even flies. Anyway, anger can be very subtle and it can creep out at the oddest of times. It's something that I should not forget. I think that all humans have the capacity for both good and evil. It's good to remember that.

T Squared

Today, this homeless artist gave me a few of his sculptures/found objects. Soon, I will get a picture of them and post it here. I talked to my art teacher about it and showed them to her. She said it was interesting and I intend to look into it a little bit more to see if this guy will be of any interest to the art world.