walk in my shoes

for me, this whole entire day has been very annoying. i have been on the vergeo of going completely insane all day. EVERYthing is pissing me off and i feel like a little kid who hasnt learned to control her emotions.
i went to the grocery store to get some juice with my WIC coupons and i am not sure exactly why but the checkout lady was making it take a really long time and it was really hot in the store, and i had just put on my velma costume because i was trying to make a festive public appearance but when the line started backing up behind me i started to feel really embarrassed that all i was buying was four containers of juice and it was taking this long! i felt myself beginning to flush.

seriously, my shoulders are tense from all the stressing out i have done today. i am still proud of myself for even surviving the torment that this day has been for me.

don't tell me

i wish there was no daylight savings time. how exactly is it saving time? or daylight? not anymore. ...
so let's get rid of it. all it does is give everyone mini-jetlag.

i don't want to turn the lights off til i'm FALLING ASLEEP! i am afraid to lie awake in the dark because then my mind starts to think too much and then i get sad or anxious and that turns into insomnia. reading has always worked to shut off my mind.

I KNOW

i should do yoga and meditate and detox my body and exercise and eat right and yadayadayada. nobody says that anymore, do they? i'm out of touch with current popular culture.

turn the ringer off

i feel very inept at maintaining the fire in the woodstove. i got the house all smoky last night, i don't understand why that happened.... or, i do, because a piece of wood came partway out of the stove door while it was smoking and i had trouble shoving it back in because it's a fencepost with f-ing nails in it. yes we also have regular split logs...

electric shock therapy

how do you get rid of static electricity? ugh. it's everywhere. ok, i read about it and found out that it is caused by dry air. solution: boil water.

wipe your feet

Right now I hear these strange noises outside. Like a kid making shooting noises with his mouth? What is it? Oh. It is just the guy across the street using an electric tool.

HE’s a tool. I’ve heard bad things about him and he is annoying, but that is neither here nor there.

Last night and today, I watched Food TV because last night was a Halloween special. Emeril is strange. He is like some tough guy but he cooks? And Rachel ray always annoyed me because she smiles so much and seems so bubbly, but today, I was impressed with what she made and how she seemed. I think she acts that fake friendly part just because she has to. She’s got a hard side too her, tho… I think. Her 30 minute meal show is a little frenetic in its pace.

I have a painting I’m working on and a latch-hook rug that needs to be finished. I need to cut back on the internet time!

breathe in

i wish i could hang out with interesting, creative, amazing people... but in general that is not my life. so, i look for the stimulation on-line. and i find it. there is some amazing creativity out there in the world. and it can be so inspirational. so, thank you to all the cool people out there who share some of it with the rest of the world on your blogs. my sidebar contains links to some of my favorites, as you probably know, but not necessarily. i need inspiration. don't you?

carry on

some people really suck. I mean, everybody sucks to some extent, but then some people are into the extreme suckage. Their suckiosity goes to maximum extents of sucktitude. Like, people who treat you as though you aren’t human unless you have something that they want. They can go F--- themselves for all I care. I have nothing to say to their arses. So if you fit this bill? Then carry on, class dismissed.

Carve your own pumpkin at pYzam.com!

harvest festival

at the elementary school carnival last night, there were at least three little girls dressed up as geishas for halloween. there were also three girls wearing pink and black striped prisoner costumes with short skirts, high heeled boots and black wings?

old age

at the store yesterday an old woman was buying her groceries and she was taking forEVER but i was being patient and i didn't even switch lines because i wasn't in a hurry. i was looking at the experience as potential blogging material. after she got her transaction all finished she said, "oh, i need to get some chewing gum." and she didn't remember what kind she liked and she couldn't find it, etc. and everyone is just accomodating because she's old. i imagine how it would feel to be in her position, maybe stressful? maybe embarrassing? or perhaps she is oblivious to the fact that she is inconveniencing other people. it doesn't matter. but, if you dont like going grocery shopping now, just wait til you get old.

i'm a hypocrite but i admit it

Cooking makes me feel safe… like I can’t be doing the wrong thing if I am cooking. It is a good use of my time. Just like buying food at the grocery store is a good use of money… the way I do it anyway. I enjoy being a ‘bargain hunter’ and I think I would probably still do it even if I had a lot of money. It is satisfying to get a good deal. I also feel that doing dishes is a good use of my time.

I cannot find my mascara anywhere! I can’t figure out what I did with it and now I am doomed to look boring and plain-eyed! Not right or fair.

This evening there is a Halloween/Harvest festival at the elementary school and I am going and I am taking Sophie.

I really DO wish I would make better use of my time.

I need a girdle. One of those posture improving girdles so I don’t have to work out and get strong abs and better posture the natural way.

bacon is beautiful

Scott’s favorite donuts are those white powdery ones. This morning at 4:30 he was eating them in the dark livingroom (after having stoked the dying fire), and, now I see white powdered sugar droppings all over the carpet. Tsk tsk tsk.
AND, I just vacuumed yesterday evening.

have a sandwich

i went into town today, WITHOUT SCOTT! miracle of all miracles. i hardly ever go anywhere without him. it's like i think i'm afraid to do it, but i really am not. it's weird. but it was fun just to do something on my own.

i went back by that thrift store and they weren't having that sale today. it was ONLY yesterday and that WAS a once-a-year opportunity, pretty much. i was wearing the boots that i got at that thrift store yesterday, today... nobody said anything... like "HEY! those boots weren't supposed to be part of the sale!" that's what i was expecting.

there is this lending library where you can get kids movies and toys. they have a TON of stuff. i got some cool stuff. that was fun.

silly me

overheard (00:07)


you don't BURN someone when they're already CRYING

i posted

I got some cowboy boots today. They were twenty five cents.

it was my first time in this thrift store that I’d been scoping out and wanting to go to for some time… and I find out once a year she has this big sale and she says that clothes, shoes and purses are a buck a bag! (!!!) but scott was waiting in the car and he was NOT amused by how long I was taking in there. So I couldn’t help it and I got some great deals! But then we got into an argument because he doesn’t understand about the thrift stores. It’s like me with his love of car shopping. Something we have to tolerate.

limericks

There was a Young Person of Crete,
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack,
Spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous person of Crete.

limericks

mail jerks

a container of apple juice was left in the car overnight. when brought in this morning, the first drink was as cold as if it had been in the fridge or freezer, maybe.
scan your brain for stuff to do. there is always something you could be doing. what are you waiting for? get up and do something productive! anything! i need to go to the postoffice REALLY REALLY really! and i need to do that right now, or it will never get done. what is my problem?

i wonder what's mine

Yes this song is gay. And that is a very precise term for this song. HOWEVER, I love it very much and it makes me cry even thinking about it. It reminds me so much of when I was a teenager and sOOsosoSOoososoo angsty.

Warning: synthesizer/80’s music

Yaz(oo) Only You (2:57)

oh well

i drew this picture two years ago when i was in shape and skinny! i feel like i've aged so much since then! WOW! well, you know, a pregnancy with BEDREST will do that to ya. my poor metabolism died. and i know that i am supposed to be working out. i CANNOT continue to be like this.

All I ever do is the dishes.

The drive up to crater lake is very bumpy. The road is gravel but it feel and looks like they ‘laid down timbers’ and poured gravel over it. SOoooo bumpy.

Did you know that guilt does us no good? But we need it, don’t we? To let us know that something is wrong?

We rented the omen and I didn’t get it. The main actor dude SUCKED, I’m sorry… and he and Julia stiles had NO chemistry. I liked Mia Farrow’s acting, though. But if you’re looking for a good, scary Halloween movie, this isn’t it. I didn’t even finish watching it.

i love dead leaves and cemeteries

our neighbor has his dog live in the front yard tied to a tree with a REALLY long rope/chain. (i am a HORRIBLE judge of distance, btw... not really distance visually but mathematically) but the dog can basically walk out into the middle of the street and it can also go into our yard, while still tied to its tree. it just can't get to our neighbors front door. that's the important thing? i don't know, they need a fence. ooh. there are lots of leaves out in our front yard.

what did YOU eat?

I am making sausage gravy because:

1. I need the practice.
2. It is delicious
3. I have sausage grease.

I am not working out because:

I have scoliosis.
I am lazy
I don’t want to.

But I didn’t eat any sausage. I’ve only had a piece of toast.

Welcome to my diet journal blog.

words that i hate

i crave things. buttermilk and pickled meat. but i don't think i am pregnant because i had a surgery so that couldn't happen anymore. and besides, i've been having my periods, so... no... i am just craving weird foods for no reason.

the video store here is really tiny and cramped and i had just taken a bath before i walked in and i could smell fish. maybe the other customers in the store had just returned from a day of fishing and decided to grab a dvd? it would be weird to work there cuz you'd be able to smell everyone.

what am i supposed to do?

i know i'm not the best person.
but neither are you, all told.
we all make big mistakes.
lots of 'em.
and i am sorry.
we are born of mistakes.

nothing lasts

babies cry a lot.
but they are adorable enough to make up for it.

neighbors who frequently stand out in their front yard and yell stuff are odd.
but curious.

procrastination is a self-defeating behavior.
self-defeating behaviors have something to do with self-hatred?

misunderstandings are annoying.
being too quick to anger is annoying.

two stores have opened up in town: a tanning salon called Always Sunny and a Bead Store. the bead store? come on! there is no way that is going to survive. i think bead stores have a hard enough time surviving in a town of 200,000 let alone 2,000. right? i just don't see it lasting.

hoity toity

It is weird to go to the grocery store here in town which is a block away and see our next door neighbor and we don’t acknowledge one another. It’s like there is this unspoken agreement that we don’t see each other. Ever. It feels awkward and then I don’t know if I should try to make eye contact or say hi or what. Do they hate me? Are they afraid of me? Do they think nothing of me? Do they think I am hoity toity? Ever since I was a kid I’ve been accused of being stuck up when it was really just me being shy and awkward and uncomfortable. So I just briefly smiled at the guy sort of like, “yes, I know we don’t say hi and I’m sorry” they probably think we are narcs.

ya heard?

this song is rad! i used to have it on my answering machine hula song (00:32)

dont waste your life

Blogging is probably really stupid. Spending time on it is dumb Chatting online is dumb too, even if it is with hot babes.
Don’t fool yourself.
You’d be much better off doing ANYthing else.

dealt to death

i'm all intense today! like everything is a federal issue that has to be dealt with til it's been dealt to death.

dealt to death is hard to type.
not really that hard to say, but hard to type. some words are harder to type than others. i learned that when i was taking a typing class. typing is fun. i type really fast.

we watched click last night. it is basically a familiar format similar to that of the scrooge story. but adam sandler is such an everyman for our generation? that it maybe hits home more with this movie. i can still feel the feeling of regret it stirred in me.

Also, I’ve been taking fish oil which is good for the brain. Oh and I like to eat hot dogs. Which are bad. Oh yeah… and egg salad sandwiches.

flower water

During the day I try to be really healthy. I drink lots of chamomile tea, which is basically flower water. No honey or sugar in that. Have whole grain cereal for breakfast. Lentils and veggies for lunch… but I’m almost out of chamomile tea, so then I will switch to something else. A lot of my muscles are sore from working out, which is a nice feeling.
But I have been also snacking on the fig bars, which are good but not. And at night I have a coke. And some wine. Then I usually eat something impulsively. Last night it was Spanish rice.

i updated my blogger profile a little bit.

Everyone should have a supply of canvases.

Everyone should be seeing a therapist. It is good to have a neutral party to talk to about stuff.

I am obsessed with thrift stores.

They are my life.

I wonder what my next first job will be.

I found a new thrift store today. it is 14 miles away from our house.

start to make it better

i am happy to say i got that dress at a thrift store for 75 cents

kathryn: real push ups are hard

carrie: they're STUPID
GAY
RETARDED

kathryn: hhahaa

carrie: i am never gonna say gay or retarded again

kathryn: i asw taht post
rreally?

carrie: yes

kathryn: THATS GAY

carrie: i HATE those words now

kathryn: THATS RETRDED
ok
sorry

carrie: no
no
no. i don't care if people use them in the sense of their being politically correct or offensive
but just because now it feels like they are overused

kathryn: they are

politically incorrect poll

is it wrong, bad, incorrect to use the words gay and retarded to mean "bad"?
	no, it is harmless slang
	yes, it is offensive to gays and retards
	not sure, maybe
	other
Free polls from Pollhost.com

i love juanita my sweetheart from venezuela

i made fig bars. i thought they were diced dates, cuz they were given to us and they were just in an unmarked cellophane package... but there are tons of itsy bitsy seeds in them, so they're figs. anyway they are good. and relatively healthy, but there's a lot of butter and brown sugar in them.

off-the-rack boobies

I have good luck with jack-in-the-crack. Today I ordered two tacos, which are better than taco bell’s tacos, btw… and they came out into the diningroom and gave us an extra sourdough jack.

while watching Dr. 90210 I wonder why it is that they can show breast augmentation on TV but they have to blur out the nipples?

I have mixed feelings about the whole concept of plastic surgery. It just seems like body parts are like products you can buy, now. Something about it just doesn’t seem right. They make it seem like it’s so commonplace, but isn’t it dehumanizing? I think that the doctors who perform these surgeries are sickos. Of course, you can argue that they also help people who have been disfigured in accidents or whatever, and yes—that is not the same thing.
i'm talking more about these off the rack boobs and noses.

long winded today

how can i dispel the misery of the world?
HOW
in one moment?
one day?
all eternity?
by remembering?

see. i shouldNT talk like this.

i feel like i NEED to be skinny... that it is UNnatural for me to be un-skinny. but i also feel a very strong compulsion to NOT exercise.

it is easy for me to be strict with my diet in the sense that i am capable of subsisting on mostly beans at every meal. it sure makes you poopalot.

that is why sometimes, i have imagined that i was once incarnated as someone who lived on nothing but beans and rice. i love to MAKE beans (with lots of various vegetables mixed in as sort of a soup/stew) and i love to eat them.

but yesterday i did some situps and today i feel them. that's fun.
i try to go for frequent walks.
always bouncing around on this ball.

i'm feeling skinnier.
it's so stupid. why do i argue with myself? i need to increase my metabolism and the only way to do it is to be active! i've been telling scott that he has permission to talk shit to me if i don't work out.

happy sunday

in the story the golden compass, the people all have these sort of deamons or physical representations of themselves in animal form. these animals express your moods and people's animals can communicate with eachother. your animal can change from a bird to a lizard to a cat until you hit puberty-- then it stays the same animal for the rest of your life.

anyway, i think that it is true that our animals do take on and express the characteristics of their owner... which is cool. and interesting.

crossed wires

the lady at the video store said that lake house was a good movie. i hated it. then i heard her recommending silent hill as a scary movie, which i also did not like.
she has the opposite of me in movie taste.
i told her that i didn't care for either of those movies because i just didn't understand them. silent hill was like a nightmare that made no sense and she started saying stuff to me about it, like "remember the dead boy whose grandma told her uncle..." and i just nodded. i had no idea what she was talking about. and lake house was like a hallmark movie of the month for old people

there was a time

i have never broken a bone in my body.

Why don’t you marry the INTERNET?

OMG the Lake House is THE most retarded movie I have EVER stopped watching because it was so incredibly lame. DO NOT watch that movie… Do yourself a favor. It makes no sense for one thing.. and it is just completely pandering to sappy emotional heartstrings everywhere. I don’t know what I was expecting.

*legwarmers = 50 cents instead of $16

relegated to the past tense

i got this wool beret at the thrift store for 50 cents. it makes me so proud to know that i did not pay 10 bucks or more

this gives me ideas

urban outfitters wall decor

is my blog shallow?

there are things i choose not to discuss on my blog. i don't talk about my kids very much. should i? i don't know. i got it in my head that i shouldn't-- that my blog is a social outlet for adults... but maybe this is a bad thing?

i don't go deeply into a lot of my personal problems like, i dunno, family issues or things that bother me like my financial situation.

the things i spend as much time as possible thinking about are fashion and creativity in the form of painting, sewing, decorating, thinking of outfits, trying to come up with ideas... and sometimes i wonder, "is this productive? is this the best use of my time? should i be taking things more seriously? i'm just escaping from my life, huh? i don't know, i don't know. there are things i should do, but i keep myself in this "internet mindset?"

fudge. but, maybe that's where the REAL stuff is happening...?
and then some believe that nothing is REALLY REAL.

seymour says hello

we watched lucky number slevin and by watched i mean i watched it for as long as i could before giving up all hope of fully understanding the movie the first time. too much singleminded concentration required. i get easily distracted during movies.
when we were at the video store, i wanted to get the lake house and some new movie with lindsay lohan and scott just could not bring himself to rent those at this juncture, so we got x-men and i went to bed and passed out when that movie started.

telling stories

a lot of times i think about myself that people shouldn't take what i say very seriously? in the sense that i will change my mind later or tomorrow. or it is better to just say that things change. especially my opinions about things. which, i think is a good thing.

have you seen the bloodhound gang's ralph wiggum video? it's cute.

gleeful

i like to sing commercial jingles.
it is a habit that drives scott bananas.
which makes it all the more enjoyable for me.

chatting online

carrie: i got some stuff at the thrift store

kathryn: cool
i should go more ofteb

carrie: a free grey member's only jacket. it is so lame i don't know why i got it

kathryn: haha

carrie: just cuz it was free.

kathryn: free is good
it will come in handy
sell it on ebay

carrie: i have decided that i do not like ebay

kathryn: relaly?
why?

carrie: because you have to pay too much in shipping and you never know if someone will outbid yyou at the last second and it is just gay

kathryn: yeah
i hate it too

carrie: yeah.
you should

kathryn: i never go there
and buy
or sell

packrat reform

DUDE! I am like looking at the classified ads in our local newspaper and I checked out the free stuff section which had some really awesome finds—like 1. an upright piano (SCORE!!!) and 2. a cocker spaniel puppy… and all sorts of other really cool stuff, y’know? But this particular paper was from last week, so…I don’t imagine they still have the stuff. I told scott that we should definitely start checking that section out though… you know, watching it for cool finds! But he was like… why? What do we need? Pshhh. It is not about what we NEED per se.
Duh?
You just never know what you might find that you WANT! And you never would have known that it was out there, floating around, waiting for the right person YOU to come along and snatch it up.
Like, today, I am going to the thrift store… not to look for something that I particularly NEED, just to see if there is anything there that I WANT. He’s just not that way. Not a shopper. I am a shopper by nature. My mom is definitely not… I think I learned it from my Grandma. She is also a packrat. I am a reformed-ish packrat.

lettuce pray

I have convinced myself that sitting on the exercise ball while I am on the computer and bouncing occasionally gets me sufficient exercise to get back into shape. Of course, that is B.S. but it is a start and I like it a lot.

I have a serious clothing crisis in my life. NONE of my clothes are good. Maybe like three things. I hate all of my clothes. I never know what I am going to wear. Like, really. It is ridiculous. I can’t ever just go somewhere at the spur of the moment because first I have to figure out what the heck am I going to wear and none of my clothes are right. I can’t pull together an outfit to save my life.

So what? You say. That is not a problem. Okay. But it is. I know it seems minor in the grand scheme of things, but it is really a pain in the ass.

wanna gabbly?

let's gabbly

our neighbor has issues.
largely surrounding alcoholism.
it is fascinating and disconcerting to watch him.
he came outside just now and tripped and fell over his barbecue, which was apparently
the dogs fault because the dog got off its leash?