mr. noodle is dizzy

i've been drinking more coffee than usual-- lookin' for a buzz. i get all anxious tho if i don't eat, too. then sometimes i take an anti-anxiety pill.

i waste too much time on the internet, but i am like a net-addicted zombie and it's hard to discipline myself.

i've been wanting to make a sock monkey, just to do something creative. but that means i have to pick out a pair of socks, locate the scissors, thread the needle... and on and on it goes until the sock monkey is done. i enjoy repetetive handiwork, though... it's relaxing. but i also resist doing the activities that i know will help me.

the internet is annoying

kurt cobains eyes were haunting me and making me feel disconcerted.
i think maybe i feel like reading a book til i get sleepy.
i rented employee of the month but didn't watch it which means i willhave to watch it tomorrow sometime during the day i guess cuz it is due back by six.
i didn't go to an AA meeting tonight. maybe tomorrow? i probably will always find excuses for not going.

celebrities

ewan mcgregor to play kurt cobain. hot.
did you see selma blair's new hair? i like it.

so that's that

well i walked to the high school and went into the office asking where the art class was. a student who was a teacher's aid led me to the classroom. i felt awkward as i followed behind her. conspicuous. i met with the teacher who said the class won't be starting until tuesday. there will be one other student like me and the rest are high school students at their regular art class. this will be weird/interesting.

perfecto

my first day of intermediate painting starts in an hour.
i wonder what it will be like and what kind of people will be taking it?
the complete unknown
which is good.
it's a ten minute walk from here. if i do that there and back three times a week, i'll be in shape in no time. awesome bonus dude!

not me

i wanna read: Blood & Chocolate

i wanna see: Pan’s Labyrinth

i just cut my thumb while washing dishes which i take as a sign that i should really be blogging about cutting my thumb. oh but now i will be cool because i am wearing a band-aid on my finger which is all the rage among the scenesters. like i would know. but i do know. but i'm not a scenester.

my meta-life

or something like that.

i don’t know metas.

what does it all mean, basil?

steven streight aka vaspers the grate and i have started a blog about abandoned/deleted blogs. check it out. it's a work in progress. if you know of any deleted or abandoned blogs let me know... of special interest are goodbye-blogging letters.

on a totally unrelated note:

john denver sings real pretty

also, i just was trying to google 'hotmail' and i googled 'hotel????' what does THAT mean?

come and talk to me

hi.
this is probably one of the best pictures of me ever.
if i do say so myself.
come chat with me
at http://gabbly.com/omnamaste.blogspot.com

PEE. Esss. sometimes gabbly doesn't work right. be patient.

what dreams?

when you resize fotos in blogger they get all screwed up!
but oh well.
also, i almost inadvertently deleted my whole blog with one stray click of my mouse. i was only half paying attention to what i was doing and instead of hitting "save" i hit "delete this blog" and when the window came up that said "are you sure?" i very nearly clicked on "yes" because i thought i knew what i was doing. it's a good thing i didn't trust myself or i'd be pretty upset right now!
my dreams last night were cool! and SO literally symbolic. the message just underscored what i've been consciously dealing with during the day. i need to get out from under the thumb of other peoples' expectations and have some FUN!

i can't take it anymore

i think my 10 month-old baby is a genius because she started brushing my hair all by herself.

i am going to start going to AA meetings for a number of reasons.

1. it will be a good way to get out of the house which i REALLY need to do more often. there are meetings every W, Th, F, Sat & Sun.

2. i will be able to hear other people talk and i will be able to talk to other people (very important! i am starting to die of a lack of varied human interaction)

3. i need support with working on my addictive behaviors.

4. it’s FREE.

5. i’ve gone to AA meetings before with my dad and i always enjoyed them. they are interesting.

my new before-bed snack is toast with peanut butter and applesauce. i'm on a kick.

books and stories

i've been reading I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb. i think i got it at a thrift store or something. i am also adding to my nightstand repertoire Wuthering Heights, which i read in high school and Lolita, which i have never read.

last night we watched the illusionist and i liked it better than the prestige because it had rufus sewell who was so cool in a knight's tale. he plays a great insecure villain. i like his voice. actually, the illusionist and the prestige are equally enjoyable, but in different ways. i liked the philip glass music in the illusionist. the illusionist also had a more solid storyline. but david bowie was in the prestige so that was cool. i also liked the deep philosophical parts of the illusionist. i have typed the word 'illusionist' six times in this entry.

another one

i started carrying the baby around in a backpack today while i was doing my housework. that is actually a lot easier on my back and it's good exercise, too. sometimes i'm kinda slow picking up on things. i've had that backpack around here for months and this is the first time i've used it like this.

i put some temporary color on my hair. it's just a fun change for a week or two. this is the first time i've used this exact red and i like it. it's a deeper red... not so coppery. it makes my hair feel all pretty.

the song 'little boy blue' is stuck in my head!

i totally gapped on one of the things that i ate yesterday. i had this seeds of change organic ginger stir fry noodles with vegetables microwave dinner which i remembered today when i ate another one. mm-mmm.

i just finished straightening up the house/semi-cleaning it... i mean, i didn't get down on my hands and knees with a toothbrush, but i did a lot more than i usually do.

a new leaf

now that i am not drinking alcohol, i should lose some extra weight pretty easily. that is one positive thing i can focus on. another is that when i drink, my face gets red and that is just not attractive. i think i have rosacea.

today i finished sewing a fleece car pillow for the baby so her head doesn’t flop all over while she sleeps. it’s totally lopsided, but maybe that will work out well, afterall. her head can only go to one side, anyway. it’s because i cut the material without using a pattern, just free-handed it. totally irresponsible of me. it’s because i am so impatient.

i made some kind of healthy burritos for dinner using ground turkey seasoned with chili powder, cumin and lawrys seasoned salt, refried beans, grated mozzarella, chopped tomatoes, sliced avocado (which was perfect for once... i was beginning to think that perfect avocados were only a thing of fantasies), salsa and a dab of plain yogurt. they were nowhere near as delicious as a taco truck super burrito, but the fact that they were relatively good-for-you made up for it.

i ate pretty light today. oatmeal with wheat germ and ground flax seeds for breakfast; tuna, tomatoes & spinach leaves on triscuits for lunch. some tortilla chips with salsa as a snack. my downfall are the two or three cokes that i drank. better than alcohol, tho?

superficial b.s.

i need to get some magnolia bark extract because it relaxes you and i am too stressed out, man. i guess that is the same thing as kava kave. well, i've had that before. i don't think it did anything. but maybe it did. there are no quick fixes or shortcuts, tho. i just need to work out every day for two months and then i will see satisfying results. if i put as much energy into doing something about it as i do in complaining about it i'd be anorexic by now. okay, not really... but you know.

i need to go on that show "how do i look?" because i need to update my wardrobe. after watching two episodes, i know this because i could really identify with both of the girls that were being made-over. my closet is overflowing with clothes that i don't want... clothes that don't fit me and/or are out of fashion. i don't think i dress appropriately for my age, either. it's a sad situation.

ack! a cat story

this cat wants in and out a billion times a day and he is so demanding about it. not only that but he is never even remotely affectionate unless he thinks you have food for him. sometimes i'd swear he's trying to kill me by running under my feet so i fall down. since it is scott's cat, i've threatened to start charging a quarter for each time i have to open the door for that cat. today, i also suggested we should feed him to a bulldog. not very nice, is it?

bad behavior

maybe you think i am nice and sweet... i don't know... but today i did something really ridiculous and i thought i should confess to the world about my darker side. it started when i was feeling down this morning and i said to scott that i wish i could feel happier and better. he said something like, "i've never seen you happy." and that made me mad so i started saying that it's all his fault that i am unhappy. he pulled his usual "i'm rubber you're glue" type stuff and i went into the kitchen and started doing the dishes... something i usually do when i get angry. then i glanced at the calendar to see what day it was and as USUAL he had already crossed off thursday. that made me madder and i commanded him to stop crossing off the day before it has ended and he said he would do whatever he wants so i said, "FINE. So will I." and i RIPPED up the calendar and threw it in the garbage. i was aware that this was last years calendar and we needed a new one anyway, but still. anyway, i took a nap and then it all blew over and we bought a new calendar for a dollar at walmart. i know this is childish behavior and i am sorry.

full of spit & vinegar

i signed up for an intermediate painting class which will be tues. wed. thurs. from 10-11 AM starting on the 19th. that will be cool. i had made a big fuss about how it would probably be too expensive and a pain to register and it was actually very cheap and very easy. the lady at the registration desk asked me if i was in K-12? haha! yep. actually, i'm in kindergarten. i decided to take that as a compliment that she thought i look like i'm still in high school.

that's all

i don't HAVE to get a job.
i just think that it is about time that i tested the water a little bit, but my confidence is low because the last time i worked was like 4 or 5 years ago. i just want something small and something within walking distance. one time i worked cleaning and running errands for old people and i liked it. it felt like i was actually HELPING someone. i think that is the most satisfying thing to do. not just being a little cog in a wheel of a BIG corporation that doesn't even know you exist. i want to SEE the results of my work.

my grammie used to have her "ladies" that she worked for... she used to do the same type of thing and she was practically a saint.
making some money is not my main goal, although it will be helpful to bring in a little bit of extra income. i've never wanted to be super successful or super rich. i just want to do something that makes a difference in peoples lives.

are you checked out?

i love how hot and sour soup looks like sewer water.
i always think that gatorade shouldn’t have to be refrigerated.

the orientation to do in-home support services was weird. you get paid 7.25 to wash the private parts of people you have never met and deal with their pee and poo, too, not to mention possible ‘dementia’ as they call it. who knows what else. maybe i would only get nice little old ladies who can wash their own business. but the video that showed how to wash their hoo-ha’s made me want to laugh and when i told scott about that he said i was sophomoric. we got into an argument after lunch about who should be able to take a nap once we got home, but that was a waste of time because we both took a nap, however he is still sleeping so that isn’t fair and he will have to PAY!

i have been sneezing for like four days now. it is getting really annoying.