i don't know what to tell you

"Those whose approval you seek most give you the least."-- Maurice Chevalier

I wish that I were cool enough to like totally just randomly type stuff and have it be really cool without my even having to try. it's strange how I am so totally antisocial. There is a part of me that wants to be a giddy little schoolgirl whenever I see people I know and I will imagine running up to them and saying "HI!!!!!! What's up!" and being all goofy like I was in high school. Instead, I just act like I didn't see anyone and try to seem totally engrossed in some important thought that has totally occupied me to the exclusion of all else. I wish I could just be totally gay and people would say, "She is my FAVORITE!" But, sometimes, when People don't have to even try in order for people to like them... those people really have no clue why it is that they are liked. Like, in Alfie. It's like, Jude Law's character is really not very likeable at all. The only reason people like him is cuz they are able to project all of their fantasies onto him. Not for who he is, but for whom they imagine him to be for THEM. ANd once he is considered the outdated model because people are looking for the new and improved, younger version of him, he realizes that his sense of self-worth came entirely from outside of him! so, see? it can kind of backfire. nobody has it ALL good. if you depend on other ppl for your sense of self-worthiness and for their approval... you will lose integrity. you won't know who you are. and besides,