you're in the army now

last night i woke up at one in the morning and i was wide awake, so i cleaned the living room and wrote down a list of all the things that needed to be done so they would get out of my head. so far today has been one of the most productive days ever. i feel much better, now. tons of stuff was accomplished and i don't feel so bad. i had another panic attack, i think. one reason i feel like they are panic attacks is that i sweat when they happen. we were in target and i went one row over from where scott was and then he was gone. poof. nowhere to be found. i started cursing him in my mind. i take it really personally, like he totally ditched me on purpose. every second that goes by, i am more freaking out. finally, i found him and scolded him like he was a child. that was embarrassing for us both. then i was like, i'm sorry, i just freaked out. also, i was at the library and when i walked around the corner someone else also walked around the corner and we almost bumped into eachother and i totally freaked out and overreacted like i was in a warzone or something. i swear, i have ptsd. it's embarrassing. i totally need to chill.