self-deprivation

one time on my birthday when i was like eleven or something, my mom took me to an ice cream parlor and said i could have whatever i wanted. i really wanted a banana split, but i was a strange kid. i felt like i didn't deserve to have a banana split and that it would be too greedy to pick that, so i just had a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream. i felt sad later, that i hadn't picked what i really wanted. i also never liked asking my mom for money and i always felt guilty when she bought me school clothes. to this day it is difficult for me to ask for what i want.