foot-in-mouth syndrome

One of the things we did this weekend was stop by my Alma mater (HSU) and touch bases with a couple of my old teachers to ask for job references. I thought the personal touch would be helpful. I ended up dealing with a certain teacher whom no matter how much I wanted to have rapport with him, I just DIDN’T! it sucks.

Anyway, he was the first person I saw and so I talked to him for a second, asking about getting referrals. He gave me some advice and information and sent me along my way. Out in the hallway outside his office, I told scott that my old teacher had made it clear non-verbally that HE wasn’t going to be the one to give me a referral. I feel that I have a bad history with this guy besides that we were never closely involved… his specialty was outside my focus. I don’t know exactly why it is but he stirs in me feelings strong of ANGER and dislike! Maybe he reminds me of someone unpleasant from my past. Anyway, then scott says to me, pretty LOUDLY that I was talking LOUD and I got all embarrassed because my ears were plugged up from this sinus infection I have. So, I ran out of that building and started having a panic attack and left before I’d had a chance to talk to another professor that I’d wanted to ask. Argh.

And then I was like, AH! I HATE THAT TEACHER! Because it seems like I HAVE to make an ass of myself under his influence. It is UN-avoidable, bound to happen!

i remember, when i was going there, i was going to counseling and i would talk about how mad i was at this teacher. and on my review of him at the end of the semester i was all haughty and like, "i would prefer to have more lecture time and less socializing during class sessions." etc.

i would never really WANT him to give me a reference. whatEVER.