long winded today

how can i dispel the misery of the world?
HOW
in one moment?
one day?
all eternity?
by remembering?

see. i shouldNT talk like this.

i feel like i NEED to be skinny... that it is UNnatural for me to be un-skinny. but i also feel a very strong compulsion to NOT exercise.

it is easy for me to be strict with my diet in the sense that i am capable of subsisting on mostly beans at every meal. it sure makes you poopalot.

that is why sometimes, i have imagined that i was once incarnated as someone who lived on nothing but beans and rice. i love to MAKE beans (with lots of various vegetables mixed in as sort of a soup/stew) and i love to eat them.

but yesterday i did some situps and today i feel them. that's fun.
i try to go for frequent walks.
always bouncing around on this ball.

i'm feeling skinnier.
it's so stupid. why do i argue with myself? i need to increase my metabolism and the only way to do it is to be active! i've been telling scott that he has permission to talk shit to me if i don't work out.