why?

i am beside myself. it seems like i am so easily overcome with emotion. no, it doesn't seem that way. it is that way. i am an extremely emotional person. my emotions drag me around by the ear or the nose or whatever body part it is they grab onto! everything i say is a pointless waste of time and life seems redundant sometimes. and so, you know, is it better to think too highly of myself or too low? or should i just try to be accurate? is that even possible? it's like i'm all tied up in knots! today, i went to a church picnic with my mom, stepdad, grandma, brother and son. it was interesting. my grandma is old and i spent much of the time helping her and keeping her company. it was SO HOT outside. very muggy. i am not used to hot weather, anymore. tomorrow, i will go back to humboldt county where i like the weather and the pace very much. tonight i will watch survivor and drink cheap merlot. oh, i was reading this book called Go Ask Alice. It is interesing. It's the journal of this 15-year old girl who wrote it in the 70's. another thing that I will mention for everyone's information, if you don't know this: I live in what is called the "hum-bubble". Behind the redwood curtain. so, yeah, often I am behind the times on a lot of things. plus i don't watch tv anymore or read newspapers, so i am not much in contact with the outside world. okay. that's about it for now.