it's my experience

why is someday lady you'll accomp'ny me playing in my head right now?

that song makes me think of my mom cuz she has always loved (but especially in the past) bob seger. so i heard him a lot when i was growing up. along with the beatles. journey. and this makes me think of this song Dog and Butterfly that i remember also. which reminds me of feeling sad the first time i saw puff the magic dragon. i mean, really inconsolably sad. i was sad that puff had to go back to honalee or whatever.

be careful

when i went rollerskating today, i walked to the park with sophie in the stroller
and when we got there i realized she was missing a shoe and she wouldn't walk around the tennis court without her shoes,
so i put her in the stroller and pushed it while i skated two laps around the tennis court,
but there were a bunch of little kids having lunch at the park and they all waved and said hi to us in unison
and i waved and smiled as i skated by and then i was kind of shy and didn't skate anymore, plus it was hurting my back (i have scoliosis).
so we walked back home and by the time i got home i was hungry and grouchy. but i still had fun.

let's rollerskate!

i was able to rollerskate, but felt really wobbly at first and i started to get hot, so then i wanted to stay in the shade. i'll have to start doing that as often as possible. it's a good family activity, cuz the baby goes running around the tennis courts having a blast while daddy watches her and i skate. there were a lot of rocks and other small objects of nature lying around all over the tennis courts which probably haven't been used in many months, if not longer. i was a little afraid of falling, but i didn't fall. i did, however, decide to definitely burn the blue old navy cords with the high waist and super long zipper. they will burn. they anger me.

oh boy

bernadette peters version of sooner or later from the dick tracy soundtrack (by madonna) this is unbelievably amazing.

think for yourself!~

the old lady who lives next door is out mowing her lawn.
she is only doing it because she is totally copying US!
because SCOTT mowed our lawn earlier today! (squinty glare)
people really are so unoriginal these days.
it's like: can't anyone think for himself anymore???
i actually knew this would happen.

most of the people in this town copy everything i do.
whenever i go to the grocery store, sure enough, i start seeing other people going to the grocery store, too. and they are all watching my every move. listening in on my conversations and stuff. it gets old. it really does.

i posted that canada poster because i thought it was interesting.
that is all.

soon we are going to go on a picnic and i am going to rollerskate today.

cereal

one of the thrift store ladies asked me if i do crafts because i was buying a few crafty things. oh i should take pics of those things. anyway, she said that on wednesdays they do crafts and it is free, i guess they provide the materials. sweet! i am def. checking that out come weds

keep it to yourself, then

i'm pretty sure there's a shard of glass embedded in my left foot. makes walking fun. my youngest sister's boyfriend bought her a pygmy goat! i want one! how cute! but we might get my mom's dog, now. i would like that, but our 2 cats would hate it. they would probably refuse to enter the house after that. which would be fine now that winter is basically over.

it's nice out

this is my house

the other day i rented that one movie with cate blanchet and dame judi densch and we kept it an extra day and still never watched it. ugh. just not good timing.

i cut my foot on a piece of glass from a bowl that i dropped during a mild pain-induced stupor, partially caused by hormonal fluctuations. ow. my foot hurts.

we took the baby to the park, which was a very nice experience except


it was also sad because there was a shrine in the area where the boy from this town committed suicide. tragic. i felt like we shouldn't be playing around there. it was confusing.


but there was a beautiful field with lots of trees and dandelions and we sat in the grass. there was also a tennis court and basketball court where i would like to go rollerskating at my next opportunity.

om hare om

George Harrison- Gopala Krishna (3:38)

you're not as unique as you think you are

you didn't invent everything, hon.
it's pretty arrogant to think that you are constantly being copied and also paranoid that you have been stalking my every move for like a year thinking you are so original that it isn't possible that someone else had the same kind of ideas or taste or even past history. birds of a feather.

if you focus on MY problems (or what you imagine them to be), it really takes your mind off of your OWN problems, huh? i am not bipolar. that isn't one of my problems. i don't have mania. there may be a mood disorder, may be a personality disorder... but that's not enough to say, "hey i need to stop blogging." there are countless people with these issues who continue to blog.

i'm not really sure why my particular problems have become so all-consumingly fascinating to my four blogtrolls, but whatever.

my choices were: make my blog private, close comments completely, moderate comments. anything else you can think of? it's not like i can actually do anything to make these people satisfied except maybe die.

i have a pair of baby blue oldnavy cords and i've never liked them because they have a really bulky zipper that pooches out and looks gross like i have a package. something is wrong with my spacebar. anyway, i cut those cords off at the knee, but i'm just gonna hafta toss 'em. i can't live with that bulk.

i have enabled comment moderation because there are some trolls who refuse to relent no matter how many times i ban them or delete their comments. ignoring them and leaving them alone also do no good. i don't have time to babysit my blog and delete their petty-ass bullshit.

on self-absorption

"For the Buddhist, disobedience, pride, and murmuring are more than momentary gestures of autonomy or independence. They are all expressions of self-absorption [which is] a defence against our own spiritual development .

To expose that self-absorption in a way that neither breaks the rusty vessel nor crushes the bruised reed is one of the principle tasks of the spiritual teacher. Speaking of Chogyam Trungpa's various ways of exposing her stubbornness, Simmer-Brown writes: Even if he said nothing, my awareness of my confusion and self-absorption became highlighted in his presence. The shock and nausea of seeing our own self-absorption can be overwhelming for a time. We may find ourselves awkward or tongue-tied when we are around our teacher, our neuroses heightened, as our self-absorption rises to the surface. Simmer-Brown says she was often unable, in the presence of Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, to hold a single coherent thought in her mind. Vulnerability of this kind opens the heart to the teacher's skilful means. A teacher who lovingly does this for us, showing us our shortcomings and his view of them, is a revealer of hidden treasures, inviting us to a true change of heart.

But what if the fortress of self-absorption seems impregnable? Then the utmost delicacy, clarity and firmness are required for the good of all. One truly incorrigible and self-willed person can destroy a community. But careful discernment is essential, as rebellion can be a sign of breakthrough rather than of breakdown; it can mean that one is approaching fresh frontiers of practice. The disciplines of monastic life and obedience may be serving to exaggerate [self-absorption and rebellion] to the point of self-awareness. Either way, the community needs skilful means to deal with intransigent and disruptive self-absorption, and to care for the rebel."

urbandharma.org

you are so twisted

drinking lots of water makes you have to pee non-stop.

i am finished eating for the day.

are bras evil?
	yes. burn them all! they restrict access.
	no. i like bras.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

i don't like when the phone rings

i've been feeling a bit detached from blogging lately.

it seems like i haven't had time to read many blogs, either.
i've sort of just fallen out of the loop, i guess.
WHO KNOWS.
i don't care that much.
it's all a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

last night i was watching taxicab confessions on bravo and it made me feel like people are gross and delusional. it's very interesting the way they just start announcing their life story to the cab driver (who is nobody you would ever talk to in any normal situation). one of the things it really made abundantly clear to me is that sex makes people STUPID! really really stupid. or at least it makes them act stupid and say stupid things. people who think of themselves as animals or something. i don't know. like this one guy who was in a band had just met up with this busty blonde and he was all "i PICKED her OUT. she is DIFFERENT because I CAME to HER." yeah, most girls i have one night stands with aren't special but THIS ONE IS. they were all hot and heavy for eachother but the body language changed a bit when this part of the conversation came up and the driver started asking more personal questions. those two should feel used in every possible way.

silent alarm activated

today we went to the dam.

morrissey will be at the reno nugget soon.
this month actually. 4/28,29.

i probably won't be going; but, i'd like to.

life is drama

yesterday scott watched smoking aces. i watched some of it, but i didn't give it my undivided attention. it seemed stylish. violent. a different kind of movie for both ben affleck and ryan reynolds.

i feel fantastic and it's a beautiful day.

i am drinking a breakfast smoothie which i made.
frozen banana, frozen mango, plain yogurt, wheat germ, canteloupe, flax seed, and a little bit of white grape juice.

yesterday i spent most of the day messing with


you type in what you ate and then it calculates your day's worth of calories and protein and stuff. FUN. and gives you more calories for activity. yesterday i could've eaten a lot more food than i did, but i didn't even want any more. i ate a lot as it was. ALL HEALTHY so shush people who think what i eat is their business. you can comment on what i eat, but not if you are just one of those jerks whose sole purpose in life is to think up half-assed ways to try and insult me.

re-post

1. my dad and me 2. my mom, me, my grammie 3. my grandpa 4. cousin susan, me, cousin f.j. 5. my mom (that's a pic of me on the end table)

feng shui is just common sense, dudez

our house has a circular floorplan. you can walk in a big loop going thru the living room to the family room to our bedroom to the bathroom which opens into the baby's room which leads to the back hall/laundry area then to the kitchen and back into the living room. from what i understand that is good, but i think that there are some problem spots where energy flow might stagnate or get going too fast. i've experimented with keeping certain doors closed and others open, but am not sure yet.

it is snowing again.
i just had to go outside in the cold and knock the snow off the cable satellite so i can watch antiques roadshow.

i got some new clothes today. i got a really cool beaded vintage necklace and when i put it on, i was tugging at it to untwist it and it broke. the string was very brittle. so now i am going to restring it using dental floss.