Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Diligence is quite a virtue For the past two years, I have not had a job. This was by choice. After my dad died, I couldn't bring myself to work anymore. I didn't like my job, for one thing... but I also just lost whatever tolerance I had for wasting my time doing something I didn't want to do. That's why I went back to college full-time. Anyway, I recently decided that I ought to start getting myself used to working again, because I am sure that I will need to have some sort of job at some point in the future. So, I am currently cleaning a professor's house once a week for up to 2 hrs. It's amazing how my mind tries to get me to not go to her house when I am supposed to. So far, I have gone despite the part of me that doesn't want to. It really isn't so bad. I find myself trying to make excuses or practicing my phone call to tell her I don't feel like coming today or asking her if she really needs me to come. It is not a difficult job by any means. Her house is not very dirty at all. It's just the whole principle of "having" to do something that is planned and... I don't know. I really am unsure as to why I am so resistant to doing it. Part of me sees some positive aspects to the situation. Besides, I'm doing it by my own choice. I don't really "have to" do it. The resistance and the inner struggle are interesting to me.