it's getting there...

i need to do a few more things, but i'm starting to like it.
i find it extremely difficult to capture with my camera, by the way.

gambler kenny rogers with muppets


kenny rogers Coward of the County (odd video, couldn't find better one)

it's just silly

these are all of the foundation products that i use. WHY? maybe because i like to paint? i don't know. and i usually look like i have no makeup on, anyway.

blog paranoia

june seems like a really long month... doesn't it? i'm like, it's still JUNE?? come on! i'm sick of June. i have a billion things i need to be doing and my back hurts and i feel like being inert but i know that will never get me anywhere. my blog is not fun to talk to anymore because it just isn't. my blog could turn on me at any moment. it can't be trusted.

you deserved it

if you want to end up a fat cow, then the best way to 'get skinny' is to starve yourself and be inactive all day because what that will do is ROYALLY mess up your metabolism forever, pretty much.

the way to actually be thin & healthy is to do some squats & lunges early in the day and have a small meal early in the day. both of these improve metabolism for the whole day.

also, every time you notice that you are sitting down: GET UP and MOVE! my favorite is to put on music that makes me hyper and DANCE like crazy. and most people know this by now, but: any changes you make need to be something you can do for the rest of your life.

over the past six months i've lost 10-15 pounds (gained during bedrest/pregnancy which changed my metabolism). that is the way to lose weight and keep it off. if you lose it all in one month you will gain twice as much back, guaranteed.

pretending to be offline

she likes all our pretty songs

"... Through the end of December, you'll continue to attract cosmic luck whenever you break any bad old habits that have hurt your ability to give and get the best from your intimate alliances." --freewill astrology

even if astrology is a bunch of hocus pocus, i still like it because i like what it is about, what it speaks to, the tone of it, the focus or purpose. sometimes, i am superstitious. like, i do certain things in certain ways and feel uncomfortable if it is done some other way.

you're not paying attention

my camera lens has a smudge on it so all of the pics i took at the beach house have a foggy smudge in the middle. depressing. i was able to salvage a few pics, tho.

hopefully my doppelganger will stop doppelganging me sometime soon. until then, i will try to ignore it.

they say everyone has a doppelganger. isn't it weird to imagine another 'you' running around out of control somewhere unbeknownst to you? what if they do something and YOU get the blame for it? how annoying. but i suppose it could also be a convenient way to pass blame on someone else, too, couldn't it?

if i do have a doppelganger, i hope that it has suffered less than i have in this life, y'know?

how can anyone ever really enjoy themselves with all of the negative crap that is going on every second on this planet? it's like, if you're not outraged.... then you're probably self-medicating.

i read the first chapter of Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love last night and then i started reading On Beauty by Zadie Smith. I'm more in the mood for the latter, tho, so i guess Mambo Kings will have to wait. Or maybe my Doppelganger can read that one and tell me what she thinks on her blog?

the ladybug incident

yesterday another incident involving a bug, the baby and me screaming. we were sitting together, scott, sophie and i, having an idyllic moment in a small meadow full of dandelions and surrounded by patches of white daisies dancing in the wind. a doe walked by, grazing and flicking her white tail. scott noticed a ladybug on my arm and i showed it to sophie. i put it on the back of her hand but quick as the wind she had it in her pincer grasp and sQuiSh it was gone. before i realized what i was doing, scott asked me why i was making that noise!? i was making some sort of high-pitched noise of surprise and horror and once again, my melodramaticness (word?) made sophie cry. it scared her. but then i wondered if maybe that was an okay thing? because maybe she won't squish another ladybug? it's weird how kids take great glee in killing rolypolies, ants etcetera.

how does it look?

here is the gwen stefani portrait so far.
not finished, tho.

***
i'm going afk for a coupla days, comment moderation will be on, however. so you'll have to fight about me somewhere else.

nothin but mammals

we are watching a rerun of the movie Hitch and it is so cheesy but i still keep getting sucked into it. when will smith slams that loser guy onto the table because all he wants is to 'hit it and quit it' all the women are supposed to immediately fall madly in love with him. any woman watching this movie who doesn't fall in love with will smith, must be a lesbo ... not that there's anything wrong with that.
romance is cheesy, anyway, if you're jaded, like me.

what do i think?

if any of you are wondering, after reading the propaganda blog about me, WHY is carrie so obsessed with raymi? well, i am going to attempt to give you an answer to that assumption.

Based on the parody blog of me (which i am not going to link to now, but have linked to before, if you care to look in a past post), I, like an automaton, copy every single thing raymi does without self-consiousness or fear of embarrassment. in fact, not only do i copy what she wears, eats, how she talks, and everything else about her life, but i even think that I am actually raymi.

I have posted in the past how I came across Raymi's blog. It was thru Bunny McIntosh's blog. I think she wished Raymi a happy birthday one time and I'd never heard of Raymi, so I checked out her blog. I was shocked at how vulgur it seemed and how crazy and bitchy Raymi seemed. I showed my boyfriend and he had nothing nice to say; but, I still thought her blog was interesting, since she posts non-stop and seemed to be completely obsessed with herself. As time went by, I began to develop some concept of who this person was/is based on reading her blog and the comments (which are often the most interesting part of many blogs and were very active back then... seems to have slowed now that Monstergirl has taken over Raymi's life).

Most bloggers want people to read their blogs and in order for that to happen, your blog needs to be interesting, for starters. Raymi's blog is definitely interesting and so are a lot of peoples'. Reading her blog is a great way to get an idea of what a certain type of people are interested in seeing on a blog. Raymi caters to stalkers and obsessive types, which is one way to retain an audience.
But, i surf a lot of blogs, and have for the last few years, looking for interesting ones and trying to incorporate things that i like in other blogs into MY blog. I thought this was basically how blogging works. That's the whole idea behind Memes, Half-Naked Thursdays, Wordless Wednesdays, etc. But I wanted my blog to be less generic than to just straight up copy everyone else. I take ideas and I put my own twist on them.

Now, the parody blog shows many instances where a picture i took looks similar to a picture Raymi took, however, I know that I bought my stupid piece of crap fuzzy hat at the thrift store for fifty cents before Raymi bought her big fluffy babushka hat which is way cooler than the lame one i have. When i bought my fluffy hat, it was just to see if i liked it or not. I took some pics of myself wearing it and posted them to my blog. There have been many times when I have thought something or seen something or done something and later seen the EXACT same thing on Raymi's blog. Occasionally, I have even Honestly suspected that she was copying me (and my sister, but that is another story). But i never CARED and if anything I'd've been flattered, but I never thought that Raymi even really noticed my existence, so I shrugged it off.

One thing that happened was that I was AT a THRIFT STORE (HORROR Of HORRORS only poor people go to thrift stores! whatever, i'm poor so eff off) i saw some cool vintage boots for $15 and i'd been looking in regular stores for some boots all winter and never found any that i really liked enough to pay over $30 for. So I got these boots. The first time I posted a picture of them, Raymi commented on my blog that they were awesome. To be honest, i've never really felt comfortable wearing them because they are about a size too big, but they are fun to wear sometimes. Unlike Raymi, I do not wear those boots every single day with everything no matter what. Being at the time, an un-self-consciously regular reader of Raymi's blog (or Obsesseve Identity-less Stalker, according to some) I saw her wearing her boots with some cut-off pants, which I thought seemed like a cool idea for early spring when it's too cold to go bare-legged. Before, I ever read Raymi's blog or even knew she existed, I used to wear knee-high socks with skirts all the time. So I tried it and it was extremely comfortable, but my cut-off pants had to go because they were too baggy and had poochie crotch syndrome.

Anyway, I have a hypothesis or two about what is going on with this parody blog.

1) Raymi feels threatened by me in some way. Either Seriously threatened (for which there are no grounds) or her Ego/Vanity is threatened. So she either created this parody blog or assisted a great deal in the research for it to "give me a taste of my own medicine".

2) Some other girl is obsessed with me or Raymi or both and needs to go check herself into a hospital.

any other ideas?

there is really a lot more to all of this, but i get tired of thinking about it. even I, who am the person who is supposed to be obsessed with raymi, am tired of this whole "joke" so how can the people who still think it's funny sustain interest in this for so long? there's something going on behind the scenes here, people. i wonder if anyone will ever know the truth.

all in all

pan's labyrinth was good, but i wanted more! more fantasy people. do you think they will make a sequel? i suppose not. but i would like to have known more about the fantasy world and what was going on there.

when i first started the movie, scott found out there were subtitles and he groaned because he just wasn't in the mood to read subtitles. but he ended up being sucked in by the movie. he liked how it kept switching from her fantasy world to the real world.

i guess the movie is similar to like water for chocolate as far as HOW the story is told. except this one has some strong violence.

all in all, it's good.

that stings

i was giving sophie a bath and all of a sudden i felt a searing, stabbing pain in the arch of my right foot. i thought i must've stepped on something but it hurt so badly that i was unaware, at first, of the severity of my reaction (loud screaming that scared the baby into crying).

the realization that i needed to make sure that my daughter knew i was okay started to come into my consciousness at the same time that i am in total shock and extreme pain plus confusion/bewilderment about what the hell is even going on!?! then i see the yellowjacket on the bathroom floor.

WHAT a fiasco! i'm glad it is all over now.

i rented pan's labyrinth for tonight and stopped in at the new thrift store in town. they have A LOT of interesting stuff compared with what will now be called 'the OLD thrift store'. MUCH better selection for household items.

pull up the roots

right now, i am wearing one of those vintage 1980's esprit sport ankle length skirts with pockets so you can stand around all casual, like. i used to have one like it in high school. when i was in high school most girls dressed preppy but rarely did you see 'slutty' and if you did it really did mean you were a slut back then!

i've been reading a lot of Maslow quotes today. this is a good one, for example:

"There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers...even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

so it muhfuhn goes

in progress and noice.... if i do say so maseff. oh, and i must admit, the gwen painting is giving me a bit of a challenge, let's put it that way. dewdz, and this is the most. <-sadponies.blogspot.com (the carrie parody blog according to some: probably raymi and pork) someone seriously has no life to go to so much effort to make fun of my so-called non-existent life, haven't they? their effort is worth some recognition.

it's torture

i got a new canvas so i can start my poppy painting! also i hung my beach landscape over the bed. and i got a few different bead necklaces. now, i am going to cook a chicken. i'm watching a jackson 5 video on pop-up video vh1. haha!

what can ya do

i guess i am on a 'pictures of me' kick. i go thru phases. i think today we will go to the dam and walk around for a bit. i just mowed the lawn. i do a lot of yardwork. five sentences in a row starting with i. so narcissistic.

hormonal cryfest

jack johnson cocoon
i need a kickboxing class

pop culture references

i hope you are all happy to know that i started my period today and it is cramp-city. did you know that it is obligatory to blog about your period every month? well it is. don't you read womens' blogs? we never tire of complaining about menstruation here in north america. it's not like that in all countries, tho. PMS is considered a public construct of western civilization's victorianism. some countries know nothing of it whatever. but i like the cultures that have the men and women live seperately for like two weeks out of every month!!!! would that not be the coolest? and i think during that time, the women get to totally chill and recreate while the men do all the work! woot! sign me up!

dang it

i was filling out this application online and i was like two hours into it and i logged off to take a break. when i logged back on, i realized much to my horror that i had to start the process all over again because i did not write down my special login number. for some reason, when i read "save this page" i just bookmarked it and went on about my business. BIG mistake. stupid of me, really. i should've thought about that more, but i just figured that everything is foolproof, well NOPE. but luckily, when i click in each of the fields now, the previous answer shows up as a pre-fillable option, you know? i think that is a firefox thing, so thank you firefox!

what to do today?

a lot of people ask me, "what are you gonna do today?" and usually i'm like, i dunno, nothing? but i am always doing things. i am just impulsive and feel contstrained by plans, however i also know that my life is too unstructured for my own good and there is actually a TON of stuff that i need to be doing today and every day.

i have to think of my day as though i am clocking in and pretend that someone will chew me out if i don't get shit done. someone like Judge Judy for instance. she is mean! but like, i have to pretend that there is a mean judge hovering over my shoulder ready to embarrass me to death by chewing me out in front of everyone like i am a child.

otherwise, i will just waste another day reading people's blogs. NOT that reading your blog is a waste! ;-) not that reading MY blog is a waste. we all need creative outlets, emotional outlets, selfish time and social time. just so you know, i am wearing a nightshirt in these pics. i don't think they are high fashion or anything like that. just passing time, basically, right?

the details are top secret

i've worked a little on two paintings today. the small hot dog conceptual piece and the gwen stefani portrait. i struggle in my painting with letting go of my source pic. my teacher told me when i was working on the hamburger painting that it was time to throw out the foto i was working from and just trust my instincts. AAAack! it's hard to let go.

but when i see other paintings like say a still life of an onion that is maybe blurry or smudgy, i like the way it looks. but it seems like i cling to the desire to recreate what i see. but maybe that is just my 'style' and not something to worry so much about.

perhaps you have noticed my tendency to be overly analytical? today i made a homemade tuna noodle casserole i went for a bike ride that was more strenuous than i've had in a long time. my legs are sore from doing lots of lunges and squats yesterday. my grandma warned me that i'd be sore and i said, "nah"

but i like it, anyway.

new bedspread

i have a hippie bedroom.