i got a really cool pottery owl hanging lantern. it is winking. i have trouble asking for what i want. like. it seems like i lose my logical faculties when i want something and don't know to ask for it and expect other people to just KNOW because if they PAID ANY ATTN it would be OBVS. right?
but actually, i just want everyone to know that i am not as thoughtful as i should be and i know it.
and so even when people are thoughtful to me,
it makes me feel kinda guilty because i feel like i am not doing as much as i should.
as much as i wish that i would.
but i really just don't understand.
i don't know why i don't do the things i know i should do.
well, i mean, i can come up with all sorts of reasons.
but at least right now i am painting and i am glad for that.