Last night I ran across this old Psych. of Gender research paper which i wrote in 2003 and it really seems to apply to me. I'm pretty sure I knew that then, which is why I chose to write about Antigone, Oedipus (her father), and Freud (the under-informed but before his time psycho-analyst).
here are a few excerpts which seem particularly apropos to this whole 'situation'.
"A woman cannot become an independent individual unless she is able to separate her identity from that of her father and to come to terms with her own femininity by accepting rather than devaluing her mother." (Kaschak)
"Antigone, the faithful daughter, personifies women's self-sacrifice."
"She must recapture early maternal ties that she had rejected in favor of her father's affections, then she will be able to return to her own womanhood." (Kaschak, p.95)
Of course, I feel that Antigone's dilemma and challenge pertain to me in my life. I lost my father at an early age due to divorce. I saw him infrequently and unreliably, but always held him on a pedestal; and, yes... against my mother. I always felt like he and I were different than everyone else. Maybe even better, smarter, understood more. The last five years of his life we were the closest we had ever been and I was very happy about that; but, my dad was unhappy, ill and self-medicating with alcohol. Basically, he was what I would turn into if I weren't getting the psychological and psychiatric help that I am now. Thanks to my mother with whom I am no longer angry because I realize she is the only parent I have left and she only wants me to be happy and will do anything she can to help me.
a message from Kathryn: