people who feel good about themselves do not take pleasure in demeaning others

i always think of the dalai lama when i think of a close to ideal human. he is my role model. not that i actually am much like him, but still. i sometimes, when i am able, try to think: what would the dalai lama do? would someone like him enjoy making someone else feel like crap? no. i want to be the kind of person who gets her energy from good things. i am not interested in making other people feel like crap.

scott was saying that i should try to incorporate my anthropology degree into doing an ethnography of blogging. hm. he thinks it would be awesome if i could get paid for all the time and energy i put into it. it is definitely a good arena in which to observe human social interaction of a new and developing sort. i could even come up with some sort of proposal for a graduate school study or whatever.

i remember when i was in jr. high, my best friend and i used to enjoy dressing alike and we would intentionally buy the same sandals and the same shirt and do our hair the same. it was fun. but then, when we got into high school, it started to piss us off. we both had these one sandals that used to get lots of compliments and we started to feel like "hey, I OWN the rights to these sandals, i am the one who deserves all the recognition for owning them." it was supremely silly and ridiculous. we started not liking eachother anymore. it became a competition. anyway, she ended up becoming a full-fledged mormon and i am.... what i am and we no longer share anything in common or talk.

one of the reasons i have often tended to shy away from getting too involved with 'friends' anymore is that 'friends' bring problems and drama into my life. as i've mentioned before, i don't need more than what i already have.

i am also old enough to realize that my real life is who i really am and my blog, including its readers, is just a source of entertainment. passers-by who develop strong opinions about me as a whole person based on one tiny facet of my activities are so totally irrelevant to me it's funny.