Wednesday, March 21, 2007

who's obsessed with whom?

my (and kathryn's) dad died of alcoholism about 5 yrs ago. need i say more?
well, i'm going to.
he was always about to die of alcoholism before that. like, we always knew that was gonna be how he would die. when it happened, it should have been expected but it wasn't. it ruined my life, but that's not the point right now.

i remember one time when he almost died, i found this book the way to love and i felt it was perfect for him and i gave it to him when he was in the hospital and he said it saved his life. that time, anyway.

so i was reading it just now and found some great stuff.

"the moment you choose to become like someone else however great or holy, you have prostituted your being. Think sadly of the divine spark of uniqueness that lies within you, buried under layers of fear. The fear that you will be ridiculed or rejected if you dare to be yourself and refuse to conform mechanically in the way you dress and act and think. See how you conform not only in your actions and thoughts but even in your reactions, your emotions, your attitudes, your values. You dare not break out of this prostitution and reclaim your original innocence of childhood.

"One final subtle way you destroy your innocence is when you compete and compare yourself with others. When you do that you exchange your simplicity for the ambition of wanting to be as good as someone else or even better. Think of this: The reason why the child is able to preserve its innocence and live like the rest of creation in the bliss of the kingdom is sthat it has not been sucked into what we call the world--that region of darkness inhabited by grown-ups whose lives are spent not in living but inn courting applause and admiration; not in blissfully being themselves but in neurotically comparing and competing, striving for those empty things called success and fame even if they can be attained only at the expense of defeating, humiliating, destroying their neighbors. If you allow yourself to really feel the pains of this hell on earth, the utter emptiness it brings, you might experience within you a revolt, a disgust so powerful that it will shatter the chains of dependence and deceit that have been forged around your soul and you will break loose into the kindom of innocence where mystics and children dwell"--anthony de mello, the way to love